McSweeney’s List (5 February 2025)
A therapist once told me that I don't have to answer every question someone asks me. It threw me off. But I don't have anything to hide, I said, my face scrunching up like when I try to do math. That doesn't mean it's their business, he explained calmly. But, they asked. He had his work cut out for him that day as he slowly walked me through this principle. “Them asking does not automatically make it their business. In fact, it begs the question, why are they asking? And that's a valid question to ask them directly.” My immediate thought was that they wanted to know, but I had a hunch that wasn't a good enough reason within the parameters being drawn. “And, you can simply say that you aren't comfortable answering the question.” The thing is, I was comfortable answering the question, which was the whole thing.
Eventually though, he did manage to guide me down the logic path, and I did understand that not everything is everyone's business. Some people ask questions just so they can be various forms of assholes with the answers. Some answers will lead a conversation into depths I have no interest in exploring with that person in the long run, so why start diving at all? I still haven't ever said why do you ask -- it feels scripted and cold. I hope to use it one day, with steel fucking ovaries, and perhaps a toss of my hair.
Of course, I still tell people loads of intimate shit. In fact, I've cultivated platforms in which to do this, from these essays, to my burgeoning comedy career. I speak openly in every room I'm in, for better and for worse. But it's carefully not the TMI anyone asked me about. I've learned that boundary to some degree.
Years later, someone explained the concept of concentric circles in our social lives. We have those closest to us, those we speak our full truths to, those we will drop everything for, and can rely on to do the same. And the circles grow from there, bigger groups of less close folks, acquaintances, co-workers, for whom we give less and expect less. It felt very true, and I've used this visualization since.
Recently I've realized that much like water, these circles are fluid. Every moment you plunge into that metaphorical water, it creates different circles. The vibrations that harmonize with our moment feel our call and howl back.
When we're in a party vibe, we hang easily with our party vibe friends, and make new ones of the same ilk. When we're in a funk, we appreciate contact with those we know have experienced their own funks before, or have helped us through ours in the past. We're unlikely to meet new people right then, because funks aren't social by nature (until they are, but more on that later).
When we want to discuss books, we light up the Bat Signal for our Book Buddies. We’ll deep dive, knit-pick, contrast, and compare. Were someone else to ask us what we were doing, we might just say “reading”, but when our book buddies ask, we go so far as to tell them how we got the book.
But it can be hard to process when our innermost concentric circles aren't the ones we currently harmonize with. Amid the changing tides of life and our personal shifting needs, our closest folks can drift farther away, either for a time or forever (there's no way to know right then; such is the nature of ebb and flow). The bright side is that it offers us an opportunity to reflect on what's changed, how we ourselves have morphed (hopefully evolved), and what we need right now.
Some drifts make sense immediately. When you create new boundaries or raise standards, some people will fall back. It's considerate, frankly. They can't or won't act within the lines you've drawn, and as such, they won't try to come at you with less than you’ve demanded. On one hand, it's respectful. On the other hand, it's the trash taking itself out.
Lifestyle shifts also affect who you relate to. Whether it's coupling up and watching your single friends drift, or the other way around, we unintentionally slip into new rhythms, and find ourselves spending more time with those doing the same dance. Even though I still hang out with my drinking friends and never shy away from a bar, there are certain thoughts I'll only share with my non-drinking compatriots. Likewise, there are certain things only they can offer me.
Sometimes we need to go where the friendly faces are, even if they don't know our name; maybe especially then. If my book friend calls and asks what I'm doing, I might go so far as to say that I'm reading Indian myths, but to a stranger on a similar path, I'm reading Srila Prabhupada’s Krishna, and I'll likely gush beyond that, grateful to be understood, eager to connect and learn. Which is why spaces like temples, recovery meetings, and book clubs, can be so warm and welcoming. For arts folks, jam sessions, open mics, and other events are the sacred spaces; the places where the esoteric languages are spoken, where we pay tribute to the things we hold holy.
So if you find yourself in flux (an irony in this stagnating season), surrender to the flow. Even if your circles are shifting and your foundation is moving, trust that you will find new stomping ground. Tune into the tone of your current vibration, and seek those who resonate. That's where we find harmony, and that's how we start making beautiful music together.
VOICEs of freedom
The second iteration of Monologues for Dialogue: Voices of Freedom is a performance that goes well beyond words. It includes music, dance, and visual pieces— a journey bthat comes together so organically through the monologues of the featured artists.
This is a Pay-What-You-Can event, so come as you are and contribute what you can. You can buy your tickets here, but we also accept both cash and cards at the door.
Featuring:
Ari Nahman (Liberalism or Liberation) - Writer
Abi Sanie (Liberalism or Liberation) - Performer
Sean Ryan (Queering Palestine)
Hengameh E. Rice (Anahita's Republic) - Writers
Amena Ahmad (Anahita’s Republic) - Performer
Hiba Sleiman (Anahita’s Republic) - Performer
Dalia Charafeddine (Authority)
Bashar Al Shawwa (My Journey: From Refugee to Peace Advocate)
Hazem G. (أين علي؟)
Paul de Tourreil (Untitled Monologue)
Alida Esmail (Dance Piece)
Sam Shalaby (Musical Piece)
Directed by Aladeen Tawfeek
WHAT: Monologues for Dialogue: Voices of Freedom
WHERE: Teesri Duniya Theatre, 251 Pine Ave W, Montreal, Quebec
WHEN: Wednesday, February 5 @ 7PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
one of a kind
This is the only electronic music open mic in Montreal! And it's easy as pie: Show up. Set up. Play!
This edition will be a special tribute to David Lynch, with video projections of (and related to) his work, and music inspired by his artistic vision.
Come watch the community of regulars who play a wide range of styles from ambient to techno to harsh noise. It's always a full night of great music!
Want to perform? Arrive between 7 PM & 8 PM so the crew can set you up before showtime. (Latecomers are welcome, but will be inserted at the end of the other sets.)
Arrive early for the best seats, and enjoy the menu of delicious Asian dumplings, pizzas, and nachos.
Plus they have vintage pinball machines, a free pool table, and 80s arcade games!
WHAT: EMOM - Electronic Music Open Mic
WHERE: The Wheel Club, 3373 Cavendish Blvd., Montreal, H4B 2L7
WHEN: Thursday, February 6, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
LGBTQ READS
Violet Hour Book Club -- the reading group devoted to classic and contemporary works of LGBTQ literature -- is back with a new pick!
This time they'll be discussing Zami: A New Spelling of My Name, A Biomythography by Audre Lorde (1982). Biomythography is a genre created by the author and poet; a combination of biography, myth, and history.
Audre’s mother immigrated to New York City from the Caribbean island of Carriacou, and Zami is the Carriacou name for women who work together as friends and lovers.
The book is historical not only for the genre, and date of original release, but also because of the author herself. Audre Lorde
was an American writer, professor, philosopher, feminist, civil rights activist, and poet. She self-described as a "black, lesbian, feminist, socialist, mother, warrior, poet”.
Hosted by Christopher DiRaddo.
This event is pay what you can.
WHAT: Zami: A New Spelling of My Name (Violet Hour Book Club)
WHERE: Archives Gaies du Quebec, 1000 Atateken St., Montreal, H2L 3K5
WHEN: Saturday, February 8 @ 3 PM
METRO: Champ-de-Mars (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Bring Your Bags
Need some new-to-you fits or new decor for home base? This sale’s got you. Thirty-five merchants will be on-site selling collectibles, clothes, records, jewelry, toys, decor, and kitchen wares (maybe even the kitchen sink). It's the perfect spot to treasure hunt, even if you aren't searching for anything in particular!
WHAT: Plateau Vintage Bazaar
WHERE: Église St-Denis, 454A Laurier Ave E, Montreal, Quebec H2J 1E7
WHEN: Saturday, February 8, @ 10 AM - 530 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Better Than Reality TV
It's a night of love, laughs, and audience-driven decisions! You choose the characters, they create the story!
Grab your friends, fancy outfits, and thinking caps, because it's a Blind Date, and you’re invited! Join Questionable Decisions and friends as they embark on a love story for the ages. They’ll need your help though: In this show, the audience decides who the characters are, and what they stand for.
Will they end up with a Charismatic Everyman or a Wounded Rebel? The audience makes the call!
I promise, no matter how much you yell at reality TV, they won't do what you say, so come out and let your voice be heard.
WHAT: Blind Date
WHERE: Montreal Improv, 3716 Notre-Dame St. W., Montreal, H4C 1P7
WHEN: Saturday, February 8 @ 8 PM
METRO: Place Saint Henri (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
It’s Pronounced ‘AUM’
Explore the transformative practice of mantra meditation. From a practical standpoint, mantras provide the focal point that so many struggle with in meditation. From an esoteric perspective the mantras are nearly spells; each word and phrase holds meaning, while the vibrations of the sounds help to clear blockages, and unlock potential.
Each week this class will teach seven new mantras, and review the theory behind the practice.
This series is already in progress (this week will be the second class). Classes can be done on a drop-in basis.
WHAT: Mantra Meditation Class
WHERE: Spiritual Science Fellowship, 1974 de Maisonneuve Blvd. W., Montreal, H3H 1K5
WHEN: Monday, February 10 @ 7 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
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