McSweeney’s List (20 September, 2023)
Accessible Audio for McSweeney’s List will be available soon!
This week's Mc(Play)List is full of kids songs and covers!
"Why are all the stores on this street? And why is there a table in the road?" These are valid questions from an astute suburban seven year old experiencing a pedestrian-only city street for the first time. On the last weekend of Mont Royal's summer transformation, my buddy, his cool kid, and myself took in the sights, and having the lil one along had me seeing through fresh eyes. It hadn't crossed my mind that she would have a million questions, which is a testament to how long it's been since I hung out with a human of that age. Of course she had questions! About everything. And I tried to have answers.
The tables were easy to explain. They provide people spaces to sit and eat, chat, take a load off. The stores all on one street, well, that allows us to have quiet residential side streets while keeping our resources close at hand. I realized though that all the stores also meant every kind of retail establishment, from fruit shops to shoe stores all on one strip. More varied than any mall or outlet centre, I took it in for a moment, proud, as if I had anything to do with it.
"What's that man doing?" Well, um, he's asking for money. Ok, things are getting trickier. Her dad begins to explain about homelessness, and I can't help but interject. The guy asking for money is a squeegee kid with an Ontarian face, and as I stumble through trying to explain this phenomenon, I find myself stupidly asking: I guess you don't know about backpacking through Europe, huh? I'm suddenly at a loss, but she does understand backpacking in a hiking / camping sense, so we're getting places. Speaking of getting places, we're only a block from my house, and I'm starting to think this stroll has the potential to get intense. Just as I'm considering that, she asks why a man is screaming. It's terrible to admit that this is one of those city things I tune out. Bad enough that I take the homeless (and creatively travelling) for granted, barely noticing them in their ubiquity, but a man screaming unintelligibly on a crowded street should probably catch my attention. Oops. I'm fun and new to her, so she's looking at me, waiting for a reply, and I admit that I don't have all the answers, but that everything is fine.
We keep going and I'm hoping nothing too interesting crosses our path. Thankfully, we come across a trumpet player wailing into the sun and we pause to take in the scene. None of us have any cash because late stage capitalism hates indie art, and our slow slide into a cashless society will be the death of freedom, but the music's nice. While I'm trying to absorb the last drops of pedestrian summer the kid is trying to introduce herself to every dog, assuring them that she is friendly, which is a fun flip. She tells me about her Nonna, and I blow her mind when I tell her I know both her Nonna and Nonno, and that in fact I knew her dad before she existed. "When I was invisible", she proclaims and I'm impressed by her grasp of the concept. I'm proud of myself, feeling like I'm building a legend around myself in her mind.
"Daddy, did Mommy eat me?" Uh-oh. I know where this is headed, and start to take pointed interest in random window displays.
"No," he says matter-of-factly.
"Then how did I get in her belly?" I hold my breath. He begins to tell her that they'll discuss this another time before she interrupts and shouts SCIENCE! with a sweep of her hand across the sky, explaining everything. I breathe a sigh of relief, and point out yet another dog. I'd forgotten about the landmines scattered in conversations with children.
She stopped and pointed at a woman done up in pastels from hair to heels, her breath catching like she just saw a Disney princess. "I wish they made kids clothes like that." I couldn't let that one slide, and I laughed and told her I thought kids got all the funnest clothes. Still, I loved her reaction to seeing an adult living out loud, a breed rarely found outside urban areas.
Heading back we took a turn into a ruelle, and she told me how companies throw out loads of food that's still good, and that they put locks on the bins so people who need it can't have it. I marvelled at how smart she is, and her dad laughed that her pre-school had cost $800 a month, but she'd had a solid start. Walking back was quieter, with fewer questions and more lazy sunny vibes. I smiled to myself, disappointed that we'd be relegated back to the sidewalk any day now, sorry that the strolls would become more daunting, the people watching hidden under wintery things. But I was grateful that my last real summery walk was with someone who could lend me their eyes and help me see the regular sights with fresh curiosity.
To all the streets that have turned back into pumpkins, à la prochaine.
TONIGHT!
The Poly Mic is a queer weekly open mic welcoming various forms of expression from poetry to drag, and so much in between! Entry is free / PWYC, and the laughs keep coming!
Brought to you by Alo Azimov, Aurora Knaut, Kaja Levy and Raquel Maestre, with rotating hosts every week.
Want to perform? Sign-up here!
WHAT: The Poly Mic
WHERE: Notre Dame Des Quilles, 32 Beaubien E., Montreal, H2S 1P8
WHEN: Every Wednesday, 8 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
We're LIVE!
Our new project, Forget The Press is live now! Super local satire by some of the coolest comics in town! Got weird and wild pictures of Montreal? Send them in, and get full photo credit if we use it! Think you're funny? Hit us up and get in on behind the scenes brainstorming. Like laughs? What are you waiting for?! Follow us already!
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Get The Giggles
Looking for fresh funnies in Old Montreal? You found them! Michael Pecker hosts every Thursday, and this week's lineup is gonna get you in the giggles: Alvaro Salvagno, David Zuniga, Jason Yearow, Kara Parham, Kevin Shawanda, Pam Wener, and Rico Arsenault.
WHAT: Old Montreal Thursday Night Comedy
WHERE: Pub St. Paul, 124 Rue St. Paul Est., 3rd Floor, Montreal, QC, Canada, H2Y 1G6
WHEN: Every Thursday, 830 PM
METRO: Champ-de-Mars (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Comedy On The Record
Come check out Just for Laughs New Face Wassim El-Mounzer record his first comedy album! Album recordings are cool because the material's been worked to perfection, and you'll be holding your guts from all the laughing. However sometimes people don't realize that this is an actual professional recording, and is not the place to be chatting, texting, or heckling. So go and laugh hard, but stay home and wait to stream it if you can't act right at these events. Signed, Everyone. Featuring special guests: Lawrence Corber, Jonathan Burello and Dana Saleh.
POSTER BY : Jonathan Burrello
WHAT: Wassim El-Mounzer's Live Comedy Album Recording
WHERE: 3rd Floor Comedy Club, 2015 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2C1
WHEN: Saturday, September 23, 8 PM & 10 PM
METRO: Peel (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
It'll Be Magical!
Hop on the Hogwarts Express, and take a journey into the unknown! Using an audience suggestion the players from Priddy Playful Productions will tell the unknown story of a year at Hogwarts. This crew has already put on Improvised Game of Thrones, Improvised Bridgerton, and many more. They're all one and done, so don't miss this unique show!
WHAT: Hogwarts: Improvised Potter
WHERE: Montreal Improv, 3716 Notre Dame St. W., Montreal, H4C 1P7
WHEN: Friday, September 22, 8 PM
METRO: St. Henri (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events to catch each week in Montreal!
