McSweeney’s List (25 October, 2023)
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He asked me if my husband liked sports, and I said he didn't, she told me. She isn't married though, never was, has no inclination to be. It's so cute that he doesn't know I'm a nightmare, and thinks I could be married like a normal person.
This is an essay in defence -- nay, in praise. of the Non-Normies.
I understood what she meant immediately. I'm continually fascinated by the assumptions people make about who I am depending on such variables as how they met me, and what I was wearing when they did. (Editor’s Note: Also the volume of your voice.) Blessed with genes (and questionable personality traits) (Editor’s Note: That would have been an Editor’s Note.) that often make it hard to judge my age, I get called Ma'am and Miss in the same day. No matter what room I'm in, I will inadvertently reveal something about myself that surprises someone, and that makes me wonder even more about how people perceive me. I'm not special in this, as evidenced by my friend's story. What we are is just different enough that trying to fit in often causes discomfort, either for ourselves, those around us, or most likely both.
Over gin and tonics a few weeks back, our Creative Director and my bosom buddy Andrew Jamieson (Editor’s Note: Calm down.) and I waxed philosophical on this topic. In the wisdom of our inebriation, feeling infinite under the stars, we talked about how people seem to be Sincere or Ironic. As we live through an age of vanishing nuance, the vast swaths of grey in our human experience have been demonized or forgotten.
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am vast, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman wasn't prescient in that passage, he was experiencing the same thing a century ago. There are those who fit happily and comfortably into expected roles, following well-worn pop culture-approved paths. And society needs them. I'm in no way suggesting that the happily married parents who go on vacations and host dinner parties and send out cards for every occasion are bad, I am only saying that neither are we, those who could never fit that mould. And where's the difference? It lies in the multitudes we contain. The many layers within us make it trickier to exist in a society that wants us to be easily definable. In a world that seems increasingly torn apart into groups of Us and Them, Red and Blue, whatever team, the misfits and broken toys, the dented cans and strange geniuses, are cast further out of the collective fold.
As a child, I played PTA Meeting. (Editor’s Note: That’s an early age to begin drinking.) My mother was very involved at my school, but I must've seen something on TV that filled out the scene for me. I clearly remember insisting on chocolate milk in a styrofoam cup (this was my coffee), getting up from my small table, and arguing imaginary points to an imaginary crowd. Other days I would play Farm Girl. In my grandmother's NDG backyard I would gather blades of grass into my apron and carefully dissect them, peeling out the smallest shoots, pretending I was shucking corn. (Editor’s Note: And that you were a fucking giant?) Once I was a princess on a gameshow playing for "all the money in the world!". It's perhaps no surprise that at the time I intended to be a famous actress, certain I would one day slay in all my late night TV interviews. (Editor’s Note: You mean late night radio shows?) By eleven, my friend and I regularly played house, but in a strangely realistic way. We played as roommates. She was a hairdresser, I worked at a diner by day and attended university at night. I would act out being rushed and exhausted over clothespin french fries, returning "home" and reminding myself that I still had to study. My roomie and I would discuss our day and talk about our boyfriends. (Editor’s Note: Wow.)
All through those games I remember feeling like there would be some grand choice awaiting me at the edge of adulthood. I knew I couldn't be a farm girl and a princess and a PTA mom and a part-time student. In my mind's eye there would be some decisive point of no return where I would have to choose. A threshold that I would pass through and become merely one of the infinitude of potentialities. But there wasn't. There was only continuation, new facets unearthed, parts polished over time. And now, I contain multitudes. I can pray with all my heart while knowing that nothing is so sacred it cannot be joked about. I can believe in crystals while knowing that the placebo effect is empirically proven. My playlist runs from Kirtan to Hardcore, including the perfect juncture that is Krishnacore. Politically, I find myself all over the map, disagreeing with everyone about something somewhere.
My tribe is not an easily definable subset. It is a collection of people who also contradict themselves, along with people who speak to particular parts of myself. I cannot smoosh them all into one heartwarming snuggle puddle. If I tried, more than half of them would think that was completely lame, some would think it was cool, but would be compelled to mock it, at least at first. And the remaining folks would split between showing up with bells on, ignoring the invite, and bailing the day of. What they all do share is a sense that they cannot fit gracefully into the slots society has provided. What they all share is the sense that they must follow their hearts and guts, even if they sometimes wish they were being led down easier paths. It's as though at the end of the day, weirdos don't choose to be weirdos, and we just get wildly weirder and more comfortable in our weirdness as we grow.
So shout out to the outliers, the people who feel like no one understands. Hail to the eccentrics that give us all permission to adult the way we feel fit. Do not shrink, do not stifle, because You, My Dears, have the power to be Everything all at once.
DOWN, DIRTY & FUNNY
Monica Hamburg is a pro-sex feminist comedian (which puts her directly in my good books). You know those weird porn rabbit holes that lead to absurdity? Well, Monica follows them, and returns with all the comedic gold that lies beyond. Which leads to Pornomedy, a comedy panel show featuring screenshots of Monica's "explorations". In this edition, comics will be riffing on the weird world of horror porn. And who doesn't have opinions about the realism of a film about Satan having sex with an alien, high standards for monster sex, romantic fantasies about Gremlins?!
Other editions of this show have slayed at Montreal Comiccon, Freestanding Room, Fringe After Dark - and more, so you won't want to miss this. The panel on deck is stacked with fab folks: Ilana Belfer, Jacob Meza, & Peter J. Radomski. It goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway), that this show is 18+ and will fearlessly contain sexual content. Seating is super limited, so snatch these tickets up immediately.
Note: Cafe Eevee serves coffee drinks and desserts - which you are most welcome to order pre-show and post-show - just not during the show (coffee grinders are noisy).
Extra Note: this show will start on time, so don't dilly-dally and expect "Montreal Time".
WHAT: Pornomedy: Horror Edition
WHERE: Café Eevee, 1251 St. Zotique E., Montreal, H2S 1N8
WHEN: Friday, October 27, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
BOOKS & BAKING
The D&Q cookbook club is back! If a cookbook club is new to you, the idea is like a traditional book club, but instead of talking about a book, everyone makes a recipe (or multiple recipes) from a cookbook and shares pictures if the dishes on the event page, and all together at a gathering at the bookshop. The club is hosted by chocolate maker and pastry chef Isabella Geddes, and is free to attend.
This season, they've chosen More Than Cake: 100 Baking Recipes Built for Pleasure and Community by celebrated baker, activist, and pastry “It-Girl” Natasha Pickowicz. The recipes are fresh and uncomplicated, drawing on the author’s Chinese and Californian heritage. She pairs nectarine and miso in a tarte tatin and makes a layer cake with olive oil, mascarpone, and fennel. Black cardamom gets tucked into pecan sticky buns, and galettes go savory with kabocha squash. Brown butter is the secret to irresistible buckwheat chocolate chunk cookies. More Than Cake means baking to bring people together. It calls on you to prioritize pleasure. As the author writes, “Dessert is beyond simple calories and nutrition. . . . It spreads delight in a way that no other kind of dish can. This is something I think people really need—it’s not optional.” It’s a philosophy to live by.
Post pictures of your creations on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter and use the hashtag #DQcooks. And join the club in person with your own teacup and a cake to share for the Potluck Tea Party!
WHAT: D&Q Cooks! Cookbook Club: More Than Cake
WHERE: La Petite Librairie Drawn and Quarterly, 176 Bernard W., Montreal, H2T 2K2
WHEN: Sunday, October 29, 7 PM - 9 PM
METRO: Rosemont (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
CALLING ALL FREAKS
A wrestling cabaret in honour of the freaks and queerdos - those that live within us, around us, and that came before us. Join Ula on this All Hallows Eve as she channels Luna Vachon, femme wrestling legend from another era. Luna is crossing over to the world of the living for just one night, to bust through the barriers that keep us quiet, complacent, and conforming.
Come in your best and most bizarre costumes, and let Luna's ritual of unleashing call forth the freak in you, in me, in all of us. A cast of glorious rebels will join her to celebrate and unite through the arts of wrestling and burlesque. Let us gather and honour those who paved the way for our own queerdo emergence.
Featuring: Ula channelling Luna Vachon, Dot Dot Dot, Mina Minou, Casquivano, Eggy Pop, Desman, Maredes, Maria Belmont, Samus One, Le Diable en Personne, The Wish Granter, Fly Sixty-Five, and DJ NASTYA NVRSLP.
There will be an altar to honour our freaky, queerdo ancestors - so bring offerings. There will be a DJ following the show, from 10 PM to 12 AM.
Cash bar on site offering beer, wine, cider, kombucha, and water.
The space is on the ground floor - there are three small steps at the entrance. There will be seating available. Bathrooms are in another part of the building, and only accessible by a 2-minute walk outdoors. There will be flashing lights and loud sounds.
For accessibility needs or questions, please contact us. If you cannot pay for a ticket, get in touch with us at thesacredsquare@gmail.com
Please do NOT come to the event if you are sick or presenting symptoms. Masks are encouraged.
Cash only tickets available at door.
WHAT: EARTHBOUND Freaky Wrestling Cabaret: The Queerdo Ancestors Are Calling!
WHERE: Bâtiment 7 (ESPACE TAPAGE), 1900 rue Le Ber, Suite 201, Montreal, H3K 2A4
WHEN: Tuesday, October 31, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8:30 PM
METRO: Charlevoix (Green)
TICKETS: Zeffy
MAKE TUESDAYS FUNNY
First, let me say that every comic I've spoken to loves performing in this room, so the laughs are bound to be loud and lovely. Every Tuesday the 3rd Floor Comedy Club hosts the best English stand up comedy acts in Montreal and beyond!
There's a full bar available, and tickets are only $5 on Tuesdays.
The event is hosted by Tim Kraft. Tim's performed in the LOL Sudbury Crown of Comedy Competition, at the Thunder Bay Comedy Festival, in various clubs, has acted in films like Spare Parts, and interviews celebrities every day of the week including Guy Pearce, Danny Trejo, Aubrey Plaza, Kim Coates, The Big Show, and more.
WHAT: Belly Tickle Tuesdays
WHERE: 3rd Floor Comedy Club, 2015 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2C1
WHEN: Every Tuesday, 730 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
