McSweeney’s List (6 December, 2023)
Accessible Audio for McSweeney’s List will be available soon!
It happened. And it happened suddenly.
Friday night, Andrew Jamieson and I were walking through what seemed like a harmless mist (it was deceptive, and we were drenched). By Sunday we were trudging through sticky snow, carrying Christmas decorations, leaking sparkles everywhere we went. Forget Sagittarius season (shout out to my Star Siblings), the first real snow is the real landmark.
Every year I somehow convince myself that maybe this won't happen. Maybe amid the housing crunch, the language laws, and public transit failures, climate change could give us a hand instead of an internationally renowned fire season. But no, not this year. Regardless, the first snowfall is also the prettiest. Dirty snow doesn't exist yet. My winter gear is not yet salt stained. If you can't find the bright side in a fluffy snowfall dotted with Christmas lights, I promise this will be an extra long and dismal season. While my tan (uh, the briefly healthy colour I mustered up) faded weeks ago, and the short cloudy days are definitely taking their toll, I'm still Bright Siding things. My mood isn't scheduled to hit rock bottom until the confetti has been cleaned up and everybody has turned back to January pumpkins. Instead of chariots, you know? Because December is festive, and the rest of winter is tedious. See what I -- nevermind.
So while I have enough hope to share, Imma try to spread it. Here are some of my tried and true winter coping tips, mostly guaranteed to get you through until well, about January second, or whenever you have to put on pants again after New Year's.
If you were on any sort of diet, you no longer are. You will eat cakes and weird (but delicious) mystery cheese logs. Feeling guilty will only hurt your own feelings. Until January first, sugar is free and egg nog has no calories.
Do not start binge watching yet! We legit watched the entire history of Hollywood and all the dark crevices of reality TV during the pandy. February and March will be miserable and wet, and we won't want to move. That's when to binge watch. Plus, SAG / ACTRA just got back to work, give them a moment to get us some new stuff. Start a movie and shows list now, start watching later.
Spoil yourself. You will spend too much this holiday season, so make sure to spend some of that on your fine ass. Remember, only you know what you really want, so dammit, go get it.
Make a reading list, sign up for free online classes, set yourself up for success while you still have oomph.
Look forward to the shiny days! Make plans, lunch dates, massage appointments, whatever it takes to give yourself things to look forward to. As many as possible, as often as possible.
Yes, it is now officially ok to say “let's worry about this in the new year”.
Ok, these all sound like trite bullshit, but as a certified depressed person who gets worse in winter, I vouch for them. I also vouch for pharmaceuticals if you need them. I can honestly say that without big pharma, I would not be writing this article, so I would be fronting pretty hard to suggest otherwise. I have actually factually applied everything on this list and found it helpful. No, none of them will 100% work, and yes, society should really just respect the seasonal changes and let us work shorter, less demanding hours. Also key, in every season, is to look for the bright spots. A few days before Christmas we will have the shortest day of the year, and then they start to lengthen again. It won't feel that way at first, but catch me reminding myself every dreary day that we are already inching closer to the sun. Take a moment to appreciate the weird and wonderful insulated feeling of a marshmallow world. The sound changes. The snowflakes sparkle. The children are giddy, and we used to be too. We can be again.
While so many people are obsessed with sleeping in ultra dark rooms, the head of my bed is intentionally positioned right by a window. I watched the leaves and then the bare branches dancing under the streetlight, I saw the stars and moon poke over the rooftops. Last night I looked out at the strange lilac sky that comes from snow, light and some cool science. I thought about how I'm lucky to have so many seasons, so many skies. I'm lucky to have the rainbow of leaves, the riot of flowers, the cartoony snow. And while it's impossible to love every minute of everything, it's important to remember how lucky we are to have as many things as we do.
GOODBYE
They Go Low, We Go Laugh is saying goodbye to The Diving Bell, and saying à bientôt to their fans, taking a few months off after this show. Always a pleasure and always important, this is a variety show where folx of colour and marginalized identities may do stand-up, improv, storytelling, solo sketch, a poem, a monologue, a song, you name it! It's all about shining a little bit more light in this world in a super welcoming environment. This edition features Raajiee Chelliah, Maka, Alo Azimov, Joanna Selvarah, Shanthony, Andrina Learmonth, Ke Li, Kristina Guevarra, Mbissine, Sandy, Mina Minou & more! Come celebrate their voices, say goodbye to the space, and see you soon to this talented crew.
Accessibility Information: The Diving Bell Social Club is unfortunately not accessible by wheelchair as there are approximately 20 stairs. If you would like to access this show digitally, please message. There is a gender neutral washroom.
WHAT: They Go Low, We Go Laugh: Goodbye!
WHERE: The Diving Bell Social Club, 3956 St. Laurent Blvd., 3rd Floor, Montreal, H2W 1Y3
WHEN: Thursday, December 7, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 730 PM
METRO: St. Laurent (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
STEP RIGHT UP
I'm all about this open mic. It's run by fab women who create a supportive and fun af space. You might not have heard of the spot yet, but once you check it out, you’ll want to come back again and again. (I know this because I've been there 3 times and I can't wait to get back.)
Singers, musicians, poets, comedians, dancers…any artist! Whether you're new to the scene, a pro, or anything in between, come on down and step right up!
Refreshments are included with your ticket for the show (beer, wine, snacks). But please BYOB for the Christmas After Party!
WHAT: Open Mic & Christmas Party
WHEN: Saturday, December 9, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM, After Party…after
WHERE: Espace Joie de Vivre 1485 Atateken, Montreal, H2L3L2
METRO: Berri-UQAM
TICKETS: Espace Joie de Vivre
IT'S A BIRTHDAY
Time flies when you're laughing! It's hard to believe that A Very Pretentious Comedy Show is already one year old! Volume 12 marks their last hoorah at The Diving Bell Social Club, and they're planning a special night with something for everyone: stand-up, sketch, roast, panels, a raffle, music, and karaoke. Eve Parker Finley, Maxime Ève Gagnon, Sandy, Dan Carin, Yumi Blake, Trevor Thompson, Elie Gill, Elspeth Wright, Lauren Mallory and Florence Trépanier join Raquel Maestre for an unforgettable night.
WHAT: A Very Pretentious Comedy Show #12 - One Year Anniversary Show!
WHERE: The Diving Bell Social Club, 3956 St. Laurent Blvd., 3rd Floor, Montreal, H2W 1Y3
WHEN: Sunday, December 10, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: St. Laurent (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
WE DEMAND YOU PARTY WITH US
Andrew Jamieson (hey! I know that guy!) and friends return for Sleazy Christmas (Vol. 2)! Join us for an evening of multidisciplinary performances including comedy, spoken word, music, and burlesque! You'll have the chance to win locally-donated gifts and prizes, and we'll make sure you'll never forget this night with our Sleazy Holiday Card photo booth! This event is a Forget The Box Fundraiser, so come out and show your love for all that we do!
Who's performing? I'm so glad you asked!
JFL comedian, podcaster extraordinaire, and fun ass broad Abby Stonehouse!
Comedian, producer of Tales of Gender Affirmation, and all around sweetheart Alo Azimov!
Killer comedian and perfect dirtbag Morgan O'Shea is back this year!
Singer, songwriter and wonderful dog mom Naghmeh!
Singer, songwriter Avery Jane takes the Sleazy Stage for the first time!
Community leader and musician Big Daddy Queen Power in her Sleazy debut!
You legit can't have an Andrew Jamieson Christmas party without writer Tara McGowan-Ross performing spoken word, so she's def there!
Stunning soul and sexy lady Mina Minou is bringing her breathtaking burlesque!
Comedian, local legend, and lover of hot dogs Walter Lyng!
Oh, and Andrew Jamieson himself is hosting! That's always a fun ride.
The show will start at 8 PM with performances going all night, so pop in anytime!
PLEASE NOTE: This venue and event are CASH ONLY.
ACCESSIBILITY: Unfortunately, the event is on the 2nd Floor of Biftek, which is up one flight of stairs. Please reach out if you require any assistance and we'll do our best to accommodate!
WHAT: Andrew Jamieson’s Sleazy Christmas (Vol.2)
WHERE: Le Bifteck, SECOND FLOOR, 3702 St Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2X 2V4
WHEN: Thursday, Dec
METRO: St. Laurent (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
