McSweeney’s List (27 March 2024)
On a cosmic scale, I believe we're all incredible miracle-souls who deserve not only survival, but glorious abundance, and sustained joy. (On a karmic scale, I believe you've gotta do you, Boo, and I've gotta do me, because we have different paths, purposes, baggage and blessings.) The question is, how do we drink the nectar of being worthy and deserving without choking on the bitter bile that is arrogance and expectation?
In my experience, gratitude is a magick elixir. It's not a cure-all (nothing's a goddamn cure-all, which is annoying), but it sure helps me digest reality better. It's not always easy to be grateful, especially when you need it the most, but it's a muscle. When you catch yourself whining, give equal air time to the things you're lucky to have in your life. Words are spells, and intentions matter. Wallowing has never grown into flourishing.
So you deserve the world and you're grateful for what you have (bonus points if you are grateful for the things you have lost). Now you should get a prize and a promotion, ya? No. That's quid pro quo, not acceptance. (By the by, one of my fave living guru dudes, Sri Sri Ravishankar reminds us that we don't accept the things we love, we love them as they are. As such, acceptance as a concept is already negative.) This isn't the kind of practice you do so you can catch the carrot, this is a state of mind you cultivate to bring contentment into your life regardless of circumstances.
You can't blame or whine yourself into joy. You can't yell, cry or punch your way there either (or I would've been there years ago). You can't stomp your feet and shout but I deserve it, or it should've been me or why me? Well, you sure can, but you look ugly doing it, and you're wasting energy.
There are no guarantees in this life. Ok, death and taxes, though I would argue only one is truly inescapable. Equal opportunities do not mean equal outcomes. Even if I'd had extra opportunities, a private tutor and such, I probably would've always been better at words than numbers. And that's ok. It would be ridiculous for me to stand in front of NASA and shout about how I might've been better at math if only, and thus they should hire me on principle.
Another entitlement trap is the idea of a zero sum game. A zero sum game is like theft: one person's win is directly the other person's loss. It's like a far less dramatic fight to the death, as there can only be one. Cranky people caught up in ego and blame have trouble being happy for the successes of others because somehow your happiness is a kick in their teeth. You getting or being whatever you want means to them that they cannot get or be whatever they want. You've stolen it from them. Wah. Never try to please these people. It is impossible. Until they solve their inner turmoil, you will find yourself shrinking smaller and smaller to avoid casting your shadow on them, and they still won't shine. Never make yourself small.
Social media is a cesspool. Ok, that's not what I meant to say, I started typing, and that’s not what I intended, but it's also true, so no take-backs. Social media puts our inner dialogues on blast. We all follow at least one friend (or a stranger who is a compelling shit show) just to watch their train(wreck) of thought. These are the people who never post about victories or joys, never post to boost those they admire or love, it's always the typed equivalent of a deep sigh, followed by a whiny complaint. I should've gotten that promotion. They were so stupid to leave me. Can you believe So-and-so got that Thingy-Thing? Pfft…anyone could do it better…I could do it better. In a online world that already inundates us with drama, sadness, violence and rubber-necking faster than our poor brains were ever meant to process, we don't need that shit. No one needs that shit.
We're all prone to complaining and venting. It feels good in the moment, like something's being exorcised from our body. But studies show that keeping it up for more than a few minutes increases dissatisfaction. (Editor’s Note: What studies?) Sitting in a negative space with negative friends, hating on all the things y'all hate together might sound like a cleansing practice, as though the demons might finally be slain. But inevitably, we leave these interactions with increased negative energy, and certainly more bitterness than we came in with. Note that the reverse is also true. Surprise. Surprise.
When you don't get that Thingy-Thing, wallowing in but I deserved it is really just a passive way of blaming others. And the underlying insinuation here is that the other person doesn't deserve the metaphorical It, so you're also talking trash. Like they didn’t work for it. Additionally, you're implying that those who have it harder, somehow deserve that too. Successful people don't spend time lamenting, they spend time adapting, growing, setting new goals. Someone ready to love another in a healthy way is not leaking their energy into social posts about how people are too ignorant to see how brightly they shine. They simply…shine. They go about their lives. They support others, are happy for the success of others. They know that outcomes are never guaranteed, and self-pity does not win races. No one has ever heard anything to the effect of people are stupid for not dating me, and said gee, maybe they're right, maybe they're secretly charming, let's give this a go.
If you think this about you, then yes, it most definitely is. Take the woe is me out of your worldview and see what happens. Because yes, you deserve unfathomable greatness. And you deserve it no less and no more than everyone else does. To whine about how life has done you dirty is petty and defeatist. It proves your nearsighted vision, your selfish point of view as you discount all the dirty being done everywhere all the time. The world does us all dirty, Dear, just like the world surprises each of us with reasons to keep going. Shake off the cobwebs of it-ought-to-be-me and embrace thank-heavens-and-all-my-dumb-luck. How can I best cultivate and share my blessings?
If this is the first you've heard on the subject, let me add that we had a meeting and all your friends wanted me to tell you that they love you, but your bullshit is exhausting. I repeat that words are spells. And you Darling, deserve to cast better ones.
EVERYONE LOVES A ZADDY
The 'Zaddys Comedy Show' is a monthly comedy event that features stand-up performances by BIPOC, masculine-identifying trans, Queer, allies stand-up comedians. It aims to challenge tokenism, combat racism, and dismantle toxic masculinity.
Hosted by Sloan Kooshan!
WHAT: Zaddys Comedy Show
WHERE: La Sotterenea, 4848 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2T 1R5
WHEN: Wednesday, March 27, @ 730 PM
METRO: Mont Royal (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
DOUBLE FEATURE!
Tonight at NDQ catch the best weekly Queer open mic ,The Poly Mic, at 7PM, then stick around for the second half of the double feature as Mike Carrozza Runs His New Hour, with special guests Andrina Learmonth, Kyra Carleton, and Raquel Maestre! Hosted by Lawrence Corber!
WHAT: The Poly Mic / Mike Carrozza Runs His New Hour
WHERE: Bar Notre-Dame-Des-Quilles, 32 Rue Beaubien E, Montréal, QC H2S 1P8
WHEN: Wednesday, March 27, @ 7PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
SHOPPING FOR FREEDOM
It certainly feels like we can't do enough to right the wrongs currently running wild. As such, we should seize every opportunity to show our support and send the resources we can.
Part of the profits from this market will be donated to the Anera, an organization for Gaza Relief. Established in 1968, Anera focuses on helping refugees and vulnerable communities in Palestine, Lebanon, and Jordan.
The joyful news is that so many artisans wanted to participate in this market that it will now be held in a larger space to accommodate everyone. Browse and buy wares from over 60 sellers, and show your support for a free and safe Palestine.
WHAT: Marché Artisanal Pour La Palestine
WHERE: Centre communautaire de loisirs Sainte-Catherine d’Alexandrie, 1700 Atateken St., Montreal, H2L 3L5
WHEN: Saturday, March 30, @ 12 PM - 6 PM
METRO: Berri-UQAM
DETAILS: Facebook
ROUND THREE
You've got a talent, and we've got a spot for you! This week marks the third edition of On The Boulevard, a multidisciplinary open mic presented by Forget The Box. Sure, there will be fab musicians and hilarious comics, but we also love us some spoken word artists, poets, and magicians! We're not joking, we love close up magic.
The first two mics were fantastic, and we’re keeping that vibe rolling. The artists who’ve performed thus far were cream of the crop, and the crowds have been open and loving. It's a super supportive room, filled with folks from all parts of the local arts and culture scenes. Hosted by multidisciplinary artist, and our very own Creative Director, Andrew Jamieson.
While nothing can be 100% safe, we assure you that we don't tolerate bs, so keep your hate at home.
The venue is cash only.
OM AT HOME
Yoga and meditation can be inaccessible due to finances or scheduling, but thankfully there are groups making sure you can get the peace you need. This weekend, take part in a free heartfulness meditation course from the comfort of home. Heartfulness Montreal is spreading heart based consciousness through mindfulness and meditation.
Heartfulness is a very effective tool for managing stress and mental agitation.
By connecting to our heart and its depth through meditation, our entire being benefits from its subtle dimension.
What are the benefits of meditation?
1. Meditation reduces stress.
2. Meditation enhances our feeling of well-being.
3. Meditation improves concentration.
4. Meditation reinforces our immune system.
5. Meditation helps us live in "flow".
6. Meditation makes us emotionally stronger.
Event Schedule
8:45am-9:00am : Arrival of participants + preparation for Meditation
9:00am-9:55am : Heartfulness Group Meditation
9:55am-10:15am : Heartfulness video or reading
10:15am : End & Disperse
Open to everyone 16+.
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
