McSweeney’s List (20 November 2024)
It seems the right time in our society for me to say as publicly as possible what I've been repeating for years: I am a feminist.
That evokes an image for you, doesn't it? Short hairdo, no sense of humor, probably has body hair, definitely a misandrist. She hates sex, and will not cook for you. She has no interest in child bearing or romantic relationships, and will call the police on your party. She will get the promotion before you, and she wears the suit better too. She doesn't own makeup and will make you feel small.
Frankly, the image it conjures is on you. It's based on your easy assumptions and lazy research. It allows you to shut the door on new information, pull the blinds down and ignore the things that hurt to see. Feminism simply means that women deserve to be equal humans under the law and in society.
Did that make you roll your eyes? Did your brain just yell that women are equal, and we whine too much? Allow me to Womansplain it to you.
I was born in an in-between generation. The youngest of the Gen Xers, I am included in the micro-generation of Xennials, a distinct demographic of only 6 years (1977-1983). In that tiny moment I was raised with beliefs that were both revolutionary for their time, and about to go out of date. I was taught that I could have any job I wanted if I wanted. I could marry or not, be a stay-at-home mom or not have children. Everything was on the table. This was feminism: the options available to me that hadn't been available to my closest ancestors. We hadn't yet gotten to the point where it was expected that a woman would do it all, all at once. Freedom meant choosing what you wanted and following that path. Now of course, stay-at-home mothers are a sign of luxury, and some feminists would argue that the women who pull it off are working against our collective cause. I disagree. A woman choosing her life is exactly what feminism is about.
As a lit nerd, I've spent hours reading the thoughts of dead, (primarily) white, men. I don't regret it of course, but at a point I did get curious. Where were the women writers? (Beyond the obvious; I read many female writers, but always statistically fewer.) When I searched for the female counterparts of the Beat Generation, I found them, but I also found the timeless tale of female artists giving up their path to raise children. And that wasn't a choice; anything before easy access to The Pill™ was hardly a woman's choice.
It's so easy to distance ourselves from our neighbours, but let me spell it out that a First World country in 2024 would rather watch women die than grant them safe abortions. Well, not all states -- hey, stuff it Dude. One state, in any first world country, is one too many. Because the people who scream against abortions don't care about the children once they're here. In fact, then it becomes the woman's fault for having children, or more realistically, for having sex in the first place. Good women still don't want sex, by the way, not the marrying kind. They only have it to please their men.
In 2024, Quebec is the only province where Plan B is kept behind the counter. Why? Are they afraid that we're so silly we’ll pick it up instead of Advil? Do they want to see the uncomfortable face of the woman as she's forced to ask an authority figure to hand her her rights? I am proud to say I had my daughter in a place and time when abortions were readily available. It means that having her truly was my choice. I can't imagine a child growing up knowing that there was no choice on the table; that they exist because of circumstance, never able to ascertain if they were fully wanted.
My daughter was recently diagnosed with endometriosis. Thirteen years of pain that made her cry and vomit regularly. Thirteen years of missed school days and work days. Thirteen years of doctors telling her she was overreacting. Yes, female doctors too; in an effort to be accepted in a male dominated field, they dismiss women’s pain at the same rate as their male counterparts. Browsing online endo chats, that comes up time and again, as does the fact that thirteen years is a pretty normal time before getting a diagnosis. (Yale Medicine cites the average wait from symptom onset to diagnosis as 4 - 11 years, while the online chats of Average Janes hedge toward, or above, a decade.) For those lucky enough not to know, endometriosis is a disease wherein tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside of the uterus. The tissue can strangle the bowels, resulting in erroneous IBS diagnoses. It causes inflammation, scar tissue, debilitating pain, and can cause infertility. Per Yale medicine: Endometriosis is a common condition. It affects an estimated 5%-10% of women and adolescents of reproductive age (15-49 years) and up to 50% of women who are infertile. Between 50% and 80% of women with pelvic pain have endometriosis.” There is no cure.
When my daughter had the surgery that finally confirmed her suspicion, she cried. Even knowing that nothing could be done, she was relieved. “I feel validated,” she told me. “It really wasn't in my head.” She had been gaslit for so long that she had begun to doubt herself. I wanted to fight a gynecologist and burn the system down.
With her diagnosis in hand, there were a few more options available for therapeutic treatments (such as pelvic floor physiotherapy), but most importantly, she was no longer alone. She got in all the chats, finding both comfort, and frustration, in the community. Yes, there were others with her story, but why were there so many women who waited for years, being told to get over it? She joined an online support group, eager to trade resources and vulnerabilities, but that isn't what she got. Logging on to a small Zoom meeting, the facilitator informed them that gender neutral language was required, casually banning the word “woman”. Furthermore, the word “uterus” was banned in favour of the medically inaccurate “abdomen”. Women who struggled for years with a uterine illness, who were told that it was simply abdominal cramps, who experience menstrual irregularities and additional menstrual pain, and might be infertile from it all, were told they couldn't say any of those things, in a group designed for discussing those things.
I was sure this was a niche rule for a particular group, but a quick search showed that The Endometriosis Network of Canada calls for gender neutral terminology. Rather than finding ways to be inclusive, they are choosing to erase the feminine from a female illness. Silencing women to ensure the comfort of others is a timeless tradition.
Women do the majority of the unpaid emotional labour in society. Whether it's child rearing, caring for the infirm or dying, providing the shoulders for people to lean on, checking on shut in neighbours or volunteering, most of that work is done by the warm and heavy lifting arms of broads. Not all of us, stop being so argumentative…put down your sword and shield and just consider it. Who in your experience cares for the sick and plans both the parties and the funerals? If your heart was breaking right now, who would you call? While there's an argument that this is a matter of socialization, I'm hardly alone in my belief that there's nature involved in that nurture. In my personal experience I've found women to be less motivated by corporate hierarchies and more interested in caring for their community, big or small. I am one of these women, and I wouldn't have it any other way. However it seems that this work, unpaid though it always had been, is less valuable than it once seemed. Yes, we still expect the women to plan the next outing, organize the vacation, bring the magic bag of everything-anyone-might-need, but we also take it for granted. It's expected that women will run the animal rescues after their full-time jobs and before family care, let alone their self-care, hobbies, or vegging. (Women vegging? Unheard of.) When was the last time we so much as thanked them for all that they do? It's probably been awhile; we don't thank people for the things we expect.
I've had all stripes of (let's assume) well meaning men “well, actually” me about being a woman. We all have, ask around. Somehow men are allowed to be experts on both male and female issues and experiences, but imagine telling a man that you know more about his balls than he does. It's unconscionable that we've been socialized (forced, more realistically) to accept that women don't understand our own bodies, our own place in society, our own fears and strengths, pains and pleasures.
When I was sixteen, my nineteen year old boyfriend told me that I had orgasmed during sex but “hadn't realized”. His evidence was that I was wet. Now, I, being in my body, knew the damn difference, but it gave me pause. He was much more experienced than I was, and it boggled my mind to think of how many women he had slept with to still not understand.
A female friend once told me that not only was she not a feminist, she didn't believe I was either. Gobsmacked, I could only deduce that her assertion was based on the fact that I like men; love them, in fact. Or maybe it’s because I wear lipstick, with my breasts high and proud. Feminism is the “F” word in surprising places.
To those who still have questions like do you still expect a man to hold the door for your equality ass? you haven't really been paying attention. Nevertheless let me ask you, do you still want a woman to treat you like you have a huge hog even if your piece is mid? Seriously though, the roles we take on and games we play between ourselves are how we find harmony. The semantics are a matter of preference, each person having their own specific quirks and experiences, and that's none of my business unless I'm involved.
I could go on; for days, maybe years, but by now you either gettit or aren't ready to. All that to say, I Am A Feminist, and I am as angry as I am proud, as caring as I am adamant. I am woman, hear me roar. Phenomenal woman, that's me.
MOVIE NIGHT
Artloft Cinema Soirée returns with another classic. This week's feature is Paul Schrader's Blue Collar (1978).
When Detroit auto workers Zeke Brown (Richard Pryor), Jerry Bartowski (Harvey Keitel) and Smokey James (Yaphet Kotto) decide to rob their own union, they are initially disappointed by the relatively small haul. However, upon closer inspection, the three amateur thieves discover that they have made off with something potentially much more valuable than money: the union's ledger, filled with bogus figures and links to organized crime. Should they blackmail the union or go to the authorities?
This space is super cool! Plus the event is PWYC, Green Friendly, BYOB, and there's free popcorn!
Stick around for a discussion following the screening.
WHAT: Artloft Cinema Soirée #97
WHERE: The Artloft, 4146 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y8, BUZZ APT.202
WHEN: Wednesday, November 20, Doors @ 845 PM Screening @ 9 PM
METRO: Mont-Royal (Orange) & St. Laurent (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
WEST SIDE
The NDG Music School Mash is a free monthly music jam session that is open to musicians and music lovers of all ages and skill levels. Whether you play an acoustic instrument, sing, or just love music, come join us and jam along with our house band on a diverse selection of songs. All acoustic instruments—guitars, banjos, mandolins, and more—are welcome, along with vocalists and percussionists. Don’t miss out on this chance to connect with fellow music enthusiasts and share in the joy of making music together.
FREE ADMISSION!
Arrive early for the best seats and enjoy our menu of delicious Asian dumplings, pizzas, and nachos.
Plus, there are vintage pinball machines, free pool, and 80s arcade games!
WHAT: The NDG Music School Mash!
WHERE: The Wheel Club, 3373 Cavendish Blvd., Montreal, H4B 2L7
WHEN: Thursday, November 21, Doors @ 6 PM, Jam @ 7 PM - 10 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
LADIES WHO LAUGH
The Sexual Assault Resource Centre at Concordia University (SARC, or ARC en français) is very excited to be partnering with They Go Low, We Go Laugh -- a variety show where women of colour (and friends!) express their creative voices -- for a feminist comedy night that's sure to be a roaring good time! Featuring: Joanna Selvarajah, Raajiee Chelliah, Carmina Berberi, Mina Minou, Raquel Maestre. Hosted by Sara Meleika.
WHAT: ARC Presents: A Feminist Comedy Night with They Go Low, We Go Laugh!
WHERE: Le Frigo Vert, 1440 Rue Mackay, Montreal, H3G 2H7
WHEN: Friday, November 22, Doors @ 630 PM Show @ 7 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
SHOPPING SZN
Immerse yourself in the magic of the Christmas holidays, find the perfect gifts, and support local artists! Bring your friends and family for a day filled with joy, creativity, and holiday cheer.
The annual Christmas Artisan Market is a festive celebration of local craftsmanship and holiday spirit! Explore a delightful variety of artisan gifts available for purchase, perfect for spreading cheer this holiday season. From beautiful Christmas decorations and handmade jewelry to charming Christmas postcards, cozy knitted items, vintage trinkets, ceramics, and much more, you’ll find something for everyone on your gift list!
Highlights of the Christmas Market:
Local Artisan Gifts: Support local artists while discovering unique treasures.
Seasonal Bar Menu: Enjoy a selection of festive drinks from our Christmas bar menu.
Delicious Treats: Indulge in freshly baked cookies and seasonal snacks.
Complimentary Screenings: Cozy up with classic Christmas movies throughout the event.
Live Music: Enjoy the sounds of the season with live performances to enhance the festive atmosphere.
WHAT: Christmas Artisan Market
WHERE: Montreal Art Centre, 1844 William Street, Montreal, H3J 1R5
WHEN: Friday, November 22 - Sunday, November 24
METRO: Georges-Vanier (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
LATTES & LAUGHS
Get giggly at a fab, friendly café! Saana Nanda headlines, featuring Joel Slavik, Dan Kestler, Erik Intervado, Barry Kauffman, David Leitner, ShoSho Abotouk, Steven CIapanna, Michael Farkas and A2 The Trax. While you're laughing, indulge in decadent desserts, fresh sandwiches, and caffeinated creations made with love.
WHAT: Laugh Knights
WHERE: Café Eevee, 1251 St. Zotique E., Montreal, H2S 1N8
WHEN: Saturday, November 23, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Beaubien (Orange)
RSVP: Eventbrite
PLAYTIME
Expand the art of play through clown work with this workshop! Melissa G. will guide you on a journey to expand your imagination and find play in the mundane.
This workshop will:
- give a taste of introduction to clown/play work
- teach you how to incorporate clown elements into your performances - whether solo and/or in group
- give tools to heighten play using physicality (within your capacities)
- explore the magic of tapping into the everyday small joys!
Suitable for improvisors, stand-ups looking to explore their stage presence, sketch comedians or anyone that wants to add a little more joy into their day-to-day.
Limited spots available.
TUNE IN
Monica Hamburg and Jennifer-June Chapman have been talking to some fantastic "Funny Over Forty: Exceptional & Exhausted" women for their podcast! And in case these fab funny broads are reading this, please note that I am over forty, very tired and take exception to many things… oh, that's not what you meant. Well, I am very good at procrastinating and maybe a few other things… Anyway, you should totally invite me on. Meanwhile, everyone go have a listen and a laugh.
SLEAZY SZN
It's time to polish your bells and roll around in tinsel! (Just me? Ok.) The third annual Sleazy Christmas party is on deck, and tickets are on sale now!
Co-produced and co-hosted by the Ever-Sleazy Andrew Jamieson and my Classy-Ass self, this year's celebration is inspired by Bill Murray’s 1988 film Scrooged. It’s a journey through the holidays as three ghosts on the verge of giving up try to reach the heart of Scroogey-Jamieson. They're determined to show him the "true meaning" of the holiday, but he's more convinced than ever that it's all about the Benjamins, baby!
This ain't your grandma's Christmas party... unless your grandma is a total badass with a penchant for dark humor and tits. Prepare for an evening of festive debauchery, featuring an all-star multidisciplinary lineup of Abby Stonehouse, Aloe Azimov, Walter J. Lyng, Tara McGowan-Ross, Jessica Bebenek, Sophie Lane, and Mina Minou.
AND A SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY THE HOLLY JOLLY ASSHOLE, SANTA CLAUS HIMSELF
We'll provide the cynicism, the satire, you bring your sense of humor and a willingness to embrace the dark side of the holidays. Get your tickets now, because this is one Christmas party you won't want to miss... unless you actually enjoy fruitcake and caroling. In which case, you’re not invited.
THIS EVENT IS A FUNDRAISER
Beyond the spectacle and satire, Sleazy Christmas III serves a deeper purpose. This event is proud to support Forget The Box, Montreal's premier arts magazine dedicated to showcasing and celebrating ground-level, underground, and marginalized art. Forget The Box provides a vital platform for artists whose work challenges conventions, provokes thought, and pushes boundaries. As a non-profit organization currently operating without external funding, Forget The Box relies on community support to continue its mission. By attending Sleazy Christmas III, you directly contribute to the sustainability of this essential publication, ensuring that diverse artistic voices continue to be heard.
WHAT: Andrew Jamieson’s Sleazy Christmas III
WHERE: La Poubelle Magnifique, 1189 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Thursday, December 12 @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien-L'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Showpass
FEATURE FRIDAY
Forget The Box Presents: Feature Fridays - Your Spotlight Awaits!
Calling all Montreal artists! Forget The Box is proud to present "Feature Fridays," a new initiative dedicated to showcasing the incredible talent within our diverse artistic communities.
Every Friday, we'll be featuring a curated selection of local music, comedy, spoken word, and visual art. Our curators are active members of their respective communities, passionate about supporting and amplifying the diverse voices of Montreal's vibrant arts scene. This is your chance to shine and share your work with a wider audience.
How to Get Featured:
It's easy! Simply submit your work through the Forget The Box website. Our curators will review submissions and select artists on a first-come, first-served basis. Visit our Feature Friday section to find the submission forms!
Deadlines:
To be featured on a particular Friday, make sure to submit your work by Wednesday of that week. Any submissions received after Wednesday will be considered for the following Friday.
Ready to share your art with Montreal?! Submit your work today!
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