McSweeney’s List (18 December 2024)
Today is my birthday (hold your applause). While I do love me another trip around the sun (and I thank Everything for it), birthdays this time of year are weird. It's hard to throw any kind of party a week before Jesus throws his. Adults are only supposed to celebrate round numbers, and even then reluctantly. While 46 looks and feels like a round number (literally, look at that 6), it doesn't fit the bill of ending on 0 or 5, so I'm not even trying. Actually, I didn't do anything last year either, so perhaps I've lost my birthday oomph. It's still a special day, one where I will tell everyone it's my birthday, not do the things I don't want to do because it's my birthday, and generally not give a fuck because it's my birthday. Of course, all the birthdays don't change that I am me, so I'm also scheduled for some existential contemplation.
The evening I turned 10, I perched up on a step stool, watching the clock as it turned to 7:07, before jumping into my mother's arms to celebrate the minute I turned double digits. The day I turned twelve, I took the day off school, and spent the day at the hospital to welcome my new sister, fresh out of the oven. After so many years of asking for a sibling, it was the most improbable gift to actually get one for my birthday. When people turn 18 it's supposed to be this great blowout (usually ending in vomit), but I did mine up as only an angsty teen can. The last night of my seventeenth year, I stayed up drinking room temperature vodka straight while my fiancé and grandparents slept. I cried as the clock turned midnight, aware that my childhood had officially passed, feeling both the weight of an unknown future, and the passage of time settling over me. I was very serious, Darlings, in dramatic, adolescent fashion. Also undiagnosed and unmedicated, so the dreary thoughts clouded most of my joys. The night I turned 30, I muttered I'm 29, I'm 29, until the clock struck 12, aware I would never be in my 20s again. (And thank God for that, y’All; 20s are by far the messiest, most confusing decade.)
Now here I am, turning 46, and while I’m not doing anything grand, I'm not crying either. In some ways, the future I imagined while sobbing into the sauce that day did not materialize. Yes, I have responsibilities, limitations, ends that never seem to meet, but less so on all accounts than I feared. For better and worse, I did not become an unsmiling matrix generated normie. I do imagine that if I had, I'd have a pension and a yard, but I think I would laugh less. I don't believe it would have fed my need for constant expansion, and am glad for my strange, interesting life.
I couldn't have planned it. No one plans to have had so many loves and broken hearts, or so many jobs unrelated to my artistic calling. Both have allowed me to get a sense of the multiple lives I've always wanted to live. I’m easily convinced that whatever reality I find myself in will be a permanent state, so the twists and turns, upheavals and rebuilds surprise me everytime. No one means to stand in the way of a tidal wave, but God, it's so beautiful before the crash.
No one plans to write a few pieces for their friend’s .net magazine and find themselves the Editor-at-Large 12 years later, but I couldn't imagine it any other way. Forget The Box is a pillar in my life, something that has withstood more moves and relationships than I care to count. That's the kind of thing you can't plan for; so many people aim to find something as vital to their identity, and end up switching paths a few times before they do. Meanwhile, if you told me then how important this would become, I couldn't have understood.
Do I feel old? Yes and no. Strangely, I do not feel as old as I feared I would. That was part of why I cried on my eighteenth birthday: the sense that I was on the brink of turning into someone else, someone I didn't like, someone even less cool than I already was. Thankfully, quite the opposite happened, and teenage me would think I was wicked cool, thank you very much. When my parents were this age, they were grown-ups; perpetually tired, unable to reach their toes. They sighed when sitting down and standing up, they didn't go out together, or with friends. They had stagnated years earlier, and age just kept coming. Meanwhile, I feel like I'm coming into my own. The problem with aging is the eventual end; at this rate, I would be a superstar given an extra hundred years or so.
I sometimes feel old when my age comes out in a room of young’uns. It's my fault for keeping company with people I could've babysat, but I dig their energy. They’re still discovering and exploring, growing and changing. I watch their faces when they hear the number, clock the moment of impact before they grab hold of themselves and say something polite. I'm grateful that they're unaware, that I can pass as a peer. I'm also grateful that I can provide this image of my age; that I'm a 46 year old with more laugh lines than stressed forehead lines, that I am still trying new things, and finding new passions, that I have not allowed myself to grow stale and stagnant.
I'm lucky enough to have friends who remind me how far I've come. In the past year I've had a serious breakup, a move, and another breakup. At 45 I began telling jokes on purpose in public, proving once and for all that my procrastinating skills are world class. Despite that, and all that has come before it, I feel very much like Myself. It was Andrew who pointed out that I have been irrevocably and wonderfully changed. You're not the same person I met. You're not even the same person you were this time last year, he said, and he said it with his chest, and he said it with his heart.
Last night, as the clock ticked over, I didn't cry. Hell, I didn't even notice. One of my astrology apps popped up and said It's your birthday, you can cry if you want to, and I laughed to myself while eating cake, watching comedy podcasts with my cat. It was perfect.
MIRACLE ON CRESCENT
The World's Smallest Comedy Crew continues their tradition of fabulous holiday mini-movies with their premiere tonight! Last year's movie was so good, I watched it multiple times over the year, so I'm stoked for this one! Zak Kik flexes his incredible talents as he directs, edits, and does all the movie magic, plus the script is bound to be hilarious. Starring Zak Kik, Walter Lyng, Troy Stark, Vance Michel and more! Catch the screening tonight to catch the laughs and holiday heart. Come for the Trivia, stay for the premiere!
WHAT: World's Smallest Xmas 3
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Rue Crescent, Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Wednesday, December 18 @ 9:15 PM
METRO: Lucien l’Allier (Orange), Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
THE GIVING SEASON
In support of Montreal Youth, Grimey is hosting a local Toy Drive & raising funds for N.B.S Studio & Sun Youth Foundation.
The event will act as a drop off point for toys to be distributed by the Sun Youth Organization & will feature the Toy Drive T-Shirt available for sale to help raise funds for NBS Studios, a recording space free for youth from 11 to 18 years old.
WHAT: Grimey Toy Drive ‘24
WHERE: Bar de Courcelle, 4677 Rue Notre-Dame W., Montreal, H4C 1S7
WHEN: Thursday, December 19 @ 6 PM
METRO: Place Saint Henri (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
HIP-HOP HUMOUR
A hip-hop comedy event in Montreal where jokes meet the beats from the streets!
Get ready to enjoy hilarious entertainment from top comedians Goofy Welldone (Keke Show), Vance Michel (Kill Tony), and more!
All while surrounded by a vibrant and lively atmosphere that's dedicated to the urban culture. This event is a must-attend for anyone looking for a hip-hop comedy show. This show will have you Wildin'out. Don't miss out on the chance to have a great time with friends and fellow comedy lovers.
WHAT: That Coloured Comedy Show
WHERE: Montreal Improv, 3716 Notre Dame St. W., Montreal, H4C 1P7
WHEN: Thursday, December 19 @ 8 PM
METRO: Place St. Henri (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
GRATITUDE
Hosted by Narayani Wellness Journey, this free online workshop is the perfect way to close out your year and get ready to start 2025 on the right foot.
What to Expect:
- Explore your year with thoughtful prompts that inspire self-awareness
- Gentle yoga flow & Breathwork
- Gratitude Practice
WHAT: Free Yoga Workshop: Reflection & Gratitude
WHEN: Friday, December 20 @ 6:30 PM - 8:30 PM
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
