McSweeney’s List (15 January 2025)
When we're young, we fantasize about our futures. The younger we are, the fewer constraints we place on the potential of the Universe, and ourselves. We haven't yet learned that life isn't fair, or that we might change our minds mid-path, or that wishing doesn't make things so. I think our imaginings from that time are some of our purest dreams (even if we no longer want them). They originate from our core selves.
Yesterday a dear bestie told me that her dream as a child was to marry a famous man from France. Not a particular man, she wasn't daydreaming about a leading man or anything, this was a future famous man who would be hers. It was adorable to me because she did end up finding her Frenchman (not famous), and getting her picturesque wedding just outside Paris. It was also adorable because when I was a kid I was certain of my own future stardom, and while I pictured love (marriage? divorce? suitors? It was fuzzy), neither their status nor their profession occurred to me. While she had a clear vision of her wedding party -- location, style, and dress -- my dreams have been an ever-morphing tapestry. While I still crave spotlights, I no longer expect to see my name in lights. I’ve visualized about a million marriages, each different depending on whom it's to. Arguably, this hasn't been such a driving priority for me, or I would've done it by now. By the same token, if I’d had my heart set on a specific job title, I would've obtained it, and set a new goal. Instead I opted for the path of varied professional experience, a long list of gigs, and a pocket full of soft skills that are hard to put on a resume.
Some people are attached to “types”, and some are attached to “flow”. My girl would've fallen in love with her hubs even if he hadn't been French. Yes, he felt like fate tapped her on the shoulder because he fit her narrative, but she wasn't so obsessed with the details that she said no thank you, you aren't famous.
Meanwhile, there are people who would walk away from potential connections because they don't drive the right car, vote the right way, or have the right outfit. Sure, we can hold fairy tale ideals about what Perfect looks like, but Perfection remains the enemy of the good. Plus, as subjective humans carrying more baggage than we’re able to unpack, we generally have no idea about what we need while we’re allowing ourselves to be dazzled by what we want.
A few years ago, a buddy of mine was lamenting his dating life. He had some clear preferences about what he wanted in a woman, and some unclear ideas about why he wasn't meshing. It's like looking for an apartment, I told him, in what I still consider to be a stroke of genius. You can have preferences like hardwood floors, but at the end of the day, you need a spot that can fit the weirdly shaped furniture you have. Not every place with hardwood floors will fit your grand piano, and for this metaphor, you're stuck with the piano, you dig? So why smash your head trying to fit it in where it won't go? You can't change the architecture. Not to make any unwarranted claims of causation over correlation, but he did get married soon after that. His piano fit perfectly, and he was truly ready to move; at another time he might've ignored the space, asking only about the floors and never going to check it out. We humans are ridiculous characters.
When Keanu Reeves started showing up on the red carpet with his boo Alexandra Grant, the internet blew its top. She's a visual artist who rocks her naturally greyed hair with a smile that says she has answers to things we won't have the sense to ask her about. She stands at 6’, just an inch shorter than her guy. This year she's 51 years old to his 60, but everyone assumed she was older because she doesn't meet the expectations of a Hollywood wife. She should be much smaller than him, and not only should she be younger than him, she should look substantially younger than him. Where's her hair dye and glam squad? Why hasn't she had stuff shot into her face yet? Hell, she’s even walking around with her real breasts! None of this belongs on a red carpet. She isn't who a leading man is supposed to love. The internet judges didn't seem to care that they're happy together, that they continue to appear happy (now seven years in), that their weird furniture fits together. All they did was talk about the backsplash.
Sometimes we let our vision get in the way of our happiness. Some people dreaming of their love as tall, dark, and handsome, will accidentally forgo their joy when it arrives short, blond, and differently handsome. They would walk away from their French Prince because he was not famous. From an evolutionary standpoint, our mating habits have taken a strange turn. Forget pheromones (yes, I'm picturing cave people sniffing each other, putting on cute leopard skins, and tossing a bouquet), we don't even do vibe checks. We swipe through pictures in the comfort of our homes or the downtime at our jobs, sifting through the equivalent of social resumes. Kids or no kids, smokes or doesn't, job titles, musical tastes, maybe a snap of a car or a fish. We've been reduced to checklists, and our hopes have shrunk contemporaneously.
While I like to consider myself to be open-minded, I get caught in the checklist trap too. A write-up like has a yacht, enjoys the finer things in life, wants to travel the world, makes me roll my eyes. True that none of those things are bad, but also true that they can't be your whole personality. To further muck up the already agitated water, there's the question of age. At my, uh, graceful and wise age, I was feeling pressure to ixnay whole generations in my search. Dating older men is always acceptable (perhaps even socially preferred), but dating younger men raises eyebrows. The rule had been ingrained in me without my knowledge. After decades of dating that way, I’m confident when I say that I've given it more than a fair shot. When a young musician asked me out last year, I went to Andrew as my source of straight talk to give me the low down. “Age doesn't mean the same thing to artists,” he said simply. “We're having a different experience…it's all about feelings”.
It was practical advice, and I believed him, but I still wasn't fully on board. Fast forward to the present, charmed by a younger man, I found myself asking Andrew again. Under the surface of the question is this weird? floated all the bits I wouldn't say out loud: what will people think? does this make me a failure in my age group? will I be an equally damaged but highly discounted female DiCaprio?
Had I articulated those thoughts, Andrew would've assured me that there's no Temu cheap enough to make me a knock-off Leo, and I would tell him that I am in fact younger than Leo, and he would tell me that Leo is prettier, and I would tell him that I am a better essayist, so let him be prettier.
But I digress.
What he said was:
“Age really is a number. I've known immature older people, and very mature younger people. When people try to put boundaries and limits on other people's lives, they're only showing that they would deny themselves that joy.”
Boom. Mind blown. They would deny themselves that joy -- the possibility of joy. Often, they already have. Sometimes a jaded friend will tell you to ignore the Frenchman until you find a famous one to validate the boats they've missed. Sometimes they seek the camaraderie of other jaded friends, and cannot be happy for your joy, and sometimes they really are so committed to their path, that they believe there's only one way. Too many times people who are afraid to travel the world, will tell you to stay home.
And sometimes those voices get lodged in our heads; they set up tents, start lives, begin careers. Periodically they shout standards and checklists at us, and we'll wonder where the thought came from. While I can't silence the motley lot of opinions I've picked up over the years, I can work on sorting all the clichés and rumours from what I really believe. I can focus less on countertops, and more on how my weird furniture will look in this light. In this small moment, on this floating rock, remember to always welcome joy with open arms.
Tune Into Self
Join this winter meditation session online or in person, and step outside of the noise.
All are welcome, whether you have a dedicated practice, or you're looking to meditate for the first time. Each workshop will include teachings on meditation and mind mastery, as well as time to meditate. A different topic will be discussed each class, but the focus is on letting go and tuning into self through practice.
WHAT: Workshop - Learning to Meditate
WHERE: Paramita Centre (4846 Av du Parc, Montreal, H2V 4E6 & on Zoom
WHEN: Starts today, Wednesday, January 15 @ 7 PM - 815 PM
METRO: Côte Ste. Catherine (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Have You Heard?
Comedy returns to Rustik Pub this week! Yes, Rustik’s reopened, and yes, the laughs will be roaring!
Presented by World's Smallest Comedy Night, it’s going to be a night full of hilarious stand-up by Montreal's most talented comedians and touring pros.
Rustik is one of the coolest venues in town, bringing much needed chill pub vibes back to the West Side. It's the perfect place to kick back, have a drink, and laugh your face off. Seating is limited in this cozy venue, so get your tickets now! $15 in advance, $20 at the door.
WHAT: Rustik Comedy
WHERE: Rustik Pub & Grill, 5617 Sherbrooke St. W., Montreal, H4A 1W4
WHEN: Thursday, January 16, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
Gallery Opening & Vernissage
Join the party as gallery Duran Contemporain is born! This Montreal-based gallery focuses on emerging and mid-career artists both locally and internationally. Per their website, they're interested in bridging the geographical gap, representing innovative artists that experiment with the process of artmaking, pioneer new art forms, or rediscover colour, shape or style to bring something original to the art world.
Explore Ex Libris, the new exhibition by award-winning artist Paul Beliveau. It's a beautiful and thoughtful tribute to books (and I genuinely thought these paintings were photos). Put on your best artsy outfit, look at pretty things, and schmooze with the art-lite.
WHAT: Duran Contemporain
WHERE: Duran Contemporain, 372 Ste. Catherine St. W., Suite 527, Montreal, H3B 1A2
WHEN: Thursday, January 16 @ 5 PM - 8 PM
METRO: Square Victoria-OACI (Orange) & Place-des-Arts (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
Fab Is In The Name
Confabulation, Montreal's original, all-true storytelling showcase is starting the new year with a few new tricks. The theme of this edition is Take the Bait: stories of pranks, plot twists, and pulling the wool off your eyes. Expect stories of deceivers, the deceived, and all manner of unsuspecting marks!
Event graphic design by Juan Ramirez | jramirez.co
WHAT: Confabulation presents Take The Bait
WHERE: La Sala Rossa, 4848 St Laurent Blvd, Montreal, Quebec H2T 1R5
WHEN: Friday January 17, 2025 @ 8 PM
METRO: Laurier (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
*SKANK HANDS*
Louis J. Gomez, killer comic, the G in GaS Digital, leader of the Legion of Skanks (the Puerto Rican Rattlesnake, King of Things, he has a lot of names), is in town this weekend on his Bring 5 Friends Tour. He hasn't been here in ages, and I'm hoping we can turn out to make his Montreal shows slay, and he can go home to NYC and tell all his funny friends what a great time he had. A lot of the international comedians we love haven't been back here since JFL was in full swing, and they're starting to dip their toes in, so let's make a good impression, yeah? Imagine if more NYC comics came to town! Imagine if our comedians felt connected in the Big Apple! Let's start an exchange! Let's create a whole vibe. Bring friends, try something new, get your laughs in, and definitely tell Luis I sent you…uh, he’ll look at you funny ‘cuz he has no idea who I am, but I'll be very pleased. See you there.
WHAT: Luis J Gomez - Bring 5 Friends Tour
WHERE: 3rd Floor Comedy Club, 895 Rue De la Gauchetière St. W., Montreal, H3B 0C7
WHEN: Friday, January 17 & Saturday, January 18 @ 8 PM & 10 PM
METRO: Bonaventure (Orange)
TICKETS: LuisOfSkanks
Music With Friends
It's a night celebrating Irish music and culture, starting off with a show, and ending with a session (bring your instruments if you would like to join in!).
Ceol le cairde is Irish for "music with friends", and this evening is a perfect chance to take a musical tour close to home.
Try Something New!
We've all seen videos of the Māori haka dance: it's entrancing, intimidating, beautiful. The Māori are the indigenous Polynesian people of mainland New Zealand, and while the dance was traditionally used to psych up warriors (and psych out the other guys), it's more than that. It's a display of pride, unity and strength, a dance of welcoming, and celebration. Plus it looks hella fun. Now is your chance to try it!
Learn about the Maori culture, yourself and the bonds we have with the things around us. Experience channeling ancestral energy, and nature to build self confidence, self esteem, inner strength and Mana. This will be an immersive workshop for the Maori Haka, so be prepared to really get into it! You will learn the practices needed to make a Haka. The basic movements, basic pronunciations of words, translations, and their connection to the Haka. Learn the differences and meanings of the interpretative movements, and go in depth to learn more about the connections between the Haka, nature, ancestry, others and your emotions.
WHAT: The Māori Haka - The Breath of Fire Workshop
WHERE: Studio Tango Montreal, 7755 St. Laurent Blvd., #200-A&B, Montreal, H2R 1X1
WHEN: Saturday, January 18 @ 1 PM - 4 PM
METRO: De Castelnau (Blue)
DETAILS: Facebook
Get Moving
Connection and Belonging, Gathering in Community; each week, dance through a lens of the 5Rhythms Waves practice, teasing apart strands of new insight, weaving our learning onto our warp and weft, creating ourselves anew each time. Per the 5Rhythms modality, the five rhythms (in order) are Flowing, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical and Stillness. When danced in sequence, they are known as a "Wave."
“Repetition is not repetition,… the same action makes you feel something completely different by the end.” ~Pina Bausch
All are welcome: all bodies, all levels of experience. Bring your beginner's mind! Facilitated by Amy Dhindsa.
Working on your 5Rhythms Teacher Training? All dancing hours with Amy count towards the path.
WHAT: Weaving Be.Longing To.Gather
WHERE: Circuit Est Inc Studio A, 880 Roy St. E., Montreal, H2L 1E6
WHEN: Sunday, January 19 @ 10 AM - 12 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Ladies’ Night
Welcome to World's Smallest Comedy Night: Femme Edition!
Get ready for an unforgettable evening of laughter with a powerhouse lineup of hilarious female comedians in an intimate setting. Produced and hosted by the incredibly talented Abby Stonehouse, this is a night you won’t want to miss! Featuring Raquel Maestre, Shosho Aboutuk, Elspeth Wright, Florence Penicaud, Aloe Azimov, Bianca Fiasco Da Silva, Becca Redden, Joanna Selvarah, and Mariam Khan.
WHAT: World's Smallest Comedy Night: Femme Edition
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Monday, January 20, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Lucien-l’Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
