McSweeney’s List (22 January 2025)
This past Monday was Blue Monday, the most depressing-est day of the year. The mid-winter blah-day, the point in winter when even those without seasonal affective disorder start to feel the weight of the long winter. While the term was coined in 1830, it still lacks scientific proof, but it's now a day for mental health awareness. Which is good timing, because this past Monday was a crazy day, and a lot of things happened (I'm writing this early, so I have no idea, but it seems likely). Anyway, this essay isn't about any of that.
This Monday marked two months of me being alcohol free. Have I gone longer than that in the past? Maybe, but not while counting, which feels like a big difference. This was an intentional choice, a conscious lifestyle shift, one I've stuck to even through some discomfort and social pressure. Does this mean I'll never drink again? I dunno. I'm at the very start of this journey, and I've already noticed a few things, and as is my tendency, I'm going to share them with you.
Let me say off the top, in deference to the fully sober, that I'm California Sober. It's a popular hippie sub-genre of sobriety where you don't drink or do hectic hard drugs, but can still partake in weed, hash, shrooms…anything that would make sense at a Grateful Dead concert. Granted, this isn't for everyone; some people are benefited by going whole hog sober, and kudos to them. Personally, I find meditating on mushrooms to be joyful, and all the earthy drugs make me feel quite different than a 12 pack. Alcohol leads me to strange places, not all of which I can remember, and weed leads me to Tam Tams. To each their own.
I've admired straight edge folks for a long time. Less so the normcore, board game playing ones, and moreso those who are sober for a reason: those who have danced with darkness and found the light, those who treat their bodies as temples because God lives there. My own substance use consistently makes me feel separate from these people: like they wouldn't want to be close to me, like I would have nothing in common with them, and frankly, that I'd find them boring. Boring, but right.
When I told my friends I was no longer drinking, some had questions. One was “why?”, and it took me a minute to formulate the simple answer that I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. That's the summary; it's more complicated than that though. Realistically, I'm at an age where I can't have all the bad habits all at once. (Also realistically, we’re all at that age, aren't we? We’re already filled with micro plastics and ultra processed foods, we probably don't need every decadence we can get our hands on.) Years ago I traded tobacco for vape, and my vocal range improved, my taste buds woke up, and I coughed less. I was off vape for six months, and things improved from there, but fuck off, I need (want) something, or a few things, so I vape like a pro. Looking at the unhealthy things still left in my life, alcohol won for unhealthiest to my body and mind, and it had to go.
See, I'd been drinking pretty consistently for a lot of years. A high tolerance and a preference for inebriation made it easy. Drink when happy, drink when socializing, drink when bored, angry, sad…there's always a reason. Alcohol is entirely normalized: even the super uptight folks, and the super successful will have a glass. It's proper. Expensive alcohol is as socially valid as expensive jewelry, and cars. Alcohol is advertised alongside shoes, while cigarettes and weed are prohibited from promotion, so it must be okay. If you can function in life, you can drink as much as you want, and it's fine. And I can function like a motherfucker, but I didn't feel fine.
Did I hit the ever popular rock bottom? No, not actually. But I'd considered over the years that I was unlikely to find bottom, and thus would probably keep drinking. I also knew that that line of thinking sounded like addiction. People without problems don't wonder when the crash will come and what it will look like. I did notice some changes that came with either age or my drinking history: I was falling down more (which I already do sober, thank you very much, but then it's charming), giving more days over to recovery, and blacking out more frequently. When I say blacking out, I don't mean that the end of the night was a little fuzzy, I mean I would lose an hour in the middle of the shenanigans.
One day, popping into a regular spot, our buddy working the bar asked what I'd gotten up to the night before. I told him we'd been to see some bitching burlesque, and he said yeah, you told me; You guys were here after. Pardon? We were here after the burlesque? Yeah, we were hanging on the terrace for 45 minutes. Oops. I remember the rest of the evening, going back to my friend's to smoke a joint and have a laugh, so I'd had no inkling that anything was missing. I took the metro and bus home alone that night, because I felt fine (enough).
The last two times I drank, I didn't drink much, and it hit hard, and uncomfortably. The kind of experience that leads you to ask why you intentionally did something that was no fun. I checked in with myself, and found that I'd asked this question plenty of times over the years. So, I stopped. This is something akin to the way we call people an overnight success after they've been grinding under the radar for a decade: I had already planted the seeds for this change.
On my spiritual path, I encountered the concept of “adding good”. To put it in a diet analogy, this plan wouldn't have you skipping dessert, instead you add salad. You don't cut out fries, you eat something nutritious with it. As you keep adding good, bad (or less good) stuff gets squeezed out. This applies to everything. The more time and energy you invest in people who elevate you -- who bring joy, encouragement, support, wisdom, the people who raise your vibration -- the less time and energy for those who don't water your fields. More importantly, you’ll have less desire for people and things that don't facilitate the cultivation of your best self.
I've also learned, to my naïve surprise, that people will keep offering you drinks. I've said no more often in the past 2 months than in the 6 months prior. I've said no, and then been asked by the same person only moments later if maybe I want just a little. On NYE, after saying no to drinks all evening, the hostess tried again with champagne, and when I said no, she said but it's midnight! A friend told me how proud she was of me for not drinking, and that same evening asked if I would do shots with her. This is also a metaphor. When you upgrade or draw boundaries, the other options and offers don't stop: you have to keep choosing better. And saying yes is easier; no one asks questions when you nod and smile, accept and join the crowd. Saying yes to drinks (and more broadly, lowering my standards to meet the options) is an ingrained habit. It's how I've been functioning for more years than I care to count, and it has brought me exactly what I was willing to settle for.
Another thing I've recently learned is that statistically, people don't understand how dangerous alcohol is. That's wild. I'm a big fan of picking your poison, but you must first admit and look into the poisonous nature before choosing it. In the bigger picture, we can afford to apply this to all of our choices in life, from “easy fixes” to relationships. Be honest with yourself about both sides of the coin, and then choose whatever you want to. Do not feign ignorance when, after a weekend of double fisting cake, the scale has tipped. Enter relationships with your eyes open, so if there's crying to be done later, at least there won't be surprise. We all love our ultra processed foods, but we cannot healthfully sustain ourselves on them.
The slow days of winter invite contemplation. So, as you wrap up your Dry January, or pour another, ask yourself wtf Dry January even is. Now that the rush is behind us, and the wait till warmth is on, it seems the perfect time to plant a few seeds and see what you can grow before a new season springs.
Late, Great
Artloft Cinema Soirée returns with another classic: David Lynch's Lost Highway (1997).
From this inventory of imagery, Lynch fashions two separate but intersecting stories, one about a jazz musician (Bill Pullman), tortured by the notion that his wife is having an affair, who suddenly finds himself accused of her murder. The other is a young mechanic (Balthazar Getty) drawn into a web of deceit by a temptress who is cheating on her gangster boyfriend. These two tales are linked by the fact that the women in both are played by the same actress (Patricia Arquette).
While I'm far from a movie buff, I saw this one in the theatre, in 1997. It was the first Lynch movie I saw (and while I had tried to hard to follow Twin Peaks in real time on TV, it creeped me out so hard that I had to throw in the towel). This movie rocked so hard that I rushed out to buy the soundtrack -- on CD. Then when it came out for rental, I went to pick up a physical copy, at a physical place so I could watch it again.
BYOB and Green Friendly
Free Popcorn
Pay What You Can
Stick around for a discussion following the screening.
New Year, New Yoga
Explore Ashtanga Vinyasa Principles based on the teaching principles of Krishnamacharya. From the central role of breath, to the power of careful application of intention, encounter healing and integration on all levels of being.
Shankara and Anne-Marie have been practicing, studying and teaching for over 20 years, and this is the beginning of a new chapter.
There will be a short workshop period, diving into some basic principles, followed by a Vinyasa practice, and ending with a short question period. All levels of experience are welcome.
WHAT: Ashtanga Vinyasa Principles with Shankara Darby & Anne-Marie
WHERE: Ashtanga Yoga Montreal, 352 Ste-Catherine St., W., Montreal, H3B 1A1
WHEN: Saturday, January 25 @ 2 PM - 4 PM
METRO: Place-des-Arts (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
Frip-Chic
Shop your way through the winter blues! It's thrifty, and stylish in a way that only a Plateau sale can be. You’ll find clothes, upcycled goodies, tattoos, and tooth gems. Yes, I said tats and tooth gems. Shop till you drop.
WHAT: Friperie Géante
WHERE: 81 Mont-Royal W., Montreal, H2T 2S5
WHEN: Saturday, January 25 & Sunday, January 26 @ 11 AM - 6 PM
METRO: Mont-Royal (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
One Man's Junk
Turbo Haüs selling more junk! And they’ve gotten other people to sell their junk too! And there's all kinds of cool junk to be had!!!
Dimanche 26 janvier
À partir de MIDI! Starting at NOON! (the poster is lying to you)
The sale runs through happy hour, so wet your whistle, and cheers your new purchases!
Vendeurs/Sellers:
- TURBO BASEMENT FROM HELL: Turbo merch, music gear, glassware, bar/resto equipment, furniture, etc.
- NATASHA NEBULA: Alt/Goth/Club clothes, shoes, accessories (Men's & Women's), burlesque costumes + props
- LIA BEAUCHAMP: Tarot readings, home decor + antiques
- SARA SOPHISTICATED: Pinup/Rockabilly clothes, small handcrafted accessories, Life Path Numerology readings
- SISI SUPERSTAR: Original DIY merch, prints, stickers, modern & vintage clothing
- BILLY STAR : Pastel clothes / vintage, 80s 90s toys, trinkets, adorable garbage
- DANY & JEANETTE: Audio equipment, instruments, vintage 60s clothing
- MICHELLE : Band merch & accessories, jewelry
And more!!!
WHAT: Garbâge Sale
WHERE: Turbo Haüs, 2040 St.Denis St., Montreal, H2X 3K7
WHEN: Sunday, January 26 @ 12 PM - 7 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
FUNNY PEOPLE
Get your laughs on Mackay this week! It'll be a night of hilarious stand-up in the heart of Montreal! I'm thrilled to be on this lineup with Sloan Kooshan, Mariam Khan, Alex Callahan, and Tony McIntyre. Hosted by Tina Cruz and Saba Jakeman. This is bound to be an evening of witz and sharp humour, so don't miss it. This place looks super cute too, so get ready to snap some selfies.
WHAT: Comedy on Mackay #8
WHERE: Nsur Mackay, 1244 Mackay St., Montreal, H3G 2H4
WHEN: Tuesday, January 28 @ 8 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Eventbrite
Bright Sides
The bad news is, Espace Joie de Vivre is closing. The good news is, you can buy some handy stuff!
Must pickup this week.
2 microphones
4 mic stands
2 soft box lights
36 chairs
6 round folding tables
Bar (PENDING)
5 yoga bolsters
9 Yoga mats (PENDING)
24 teacups (PENDING)
24 wine glasses (PENDING)
Plastic water cups (PENDING)
Dishes (PENDING)
Coffee maker (PENDING)
Music stand
Sandwich board sign
Baskets
6 Round Tablecloths
9 Hanging lights
Square machine
Kettle
Drill
Tools
Power cords
WHAT: Closing Sale
WHERE: Espace Joie de Vivre, 1485 Atateken St., Montreal, H2L 3L2
METRO: Berri-UQAM
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
