“Comparison is the thief of joy.” That’s a quote from Theodore Roosevelt (father of teddy bears, but that's another story). It's a cliché for the good reason that it's timelessly true, but even if we all know the words, we fall victim to this brain glitch. And, as with so many other things, we’re unaware that we're falling into the trap, confused why we feel so inferior. So let's talk about that.

We don't mean to compare; I think it's a natural course our brains take, a means of assessing ourselves in relation to others. For instance, if we were raised in solitude and had noses on our foreheads, we wouldn't realize this wasn't the norm until we met other people with noses in, you know, the right spot. That contrast would lead to comparison, and we would soon realize that we were different. We do this a lot. Sometimes we're trying to assess our own mental health (“Are you ever scared to get near the edge because you're afraid you'll fling yourself over against your will?” “Oh, ya, those are intrusive thoughts”), or what relationships should look like (“Hey, does it seem weird to you that my partner…”). In those, and many other cases we’re gathering information to make judgement calls. We're picking up data points, making little mental dots on a subconscious spectrum so that we might discern where our experience falls on the continuum.

Discernment is the key. It's an inherent part of our primal brains, allowing us to tell friend from foe, and not eat rancid meat, ya dig? I've heard this explained in more modern terms as picking an avocado. In a conversation about the necessary points of judgement, teacher Kastuba Das used the analogy of picking an avocado: if we intend to eat the avocado today, we’re looking for certain qualities versus if we’re planning on eating it for lunch in two days. Considering the sensitive nature of avocados, we have to discern which state of ripening is best for our needs. (Seriously: they're rocks, and then they're over ripe. You have to set an alarm, wake up in the middle of the night, sneak up on them quietly at the precise moment they're ready, and BOOM guacamole.) We aren't judging the other avocados for not being what we need, but we are comparing them to find what we're looking for.

Primed as our brains are to make these decisions at super speed, it's no surprise that we do it even when we don't mean to. Social media provides so many options while also offering up so many similar things: you want to follow a recipe account, but which recipe account? You start searching, doing the contrast and compare to find your proverbial avocado. Once you find it, you know what you like about it, why you preferred it over others, and maybe even found a couple of accounts so bad they live in your head rent free as the worst recipe accounts. You try some of the recipes (skipping over the 2 page intro on the history of ceramic, or their children’s allergies, or whatever the fuck they're going on about). What you make however, looks nothing like the picture in the recipe.

Some people will shrug off the less than perfect first attempt. They'll taste it, and enjoy it, knowing that if they make it again, it’ll probably look better. Some people will toss it out for being ugly, and still others will taste it, and convince themselves it isn't good because it's ugly, or that it's fine, but probably not as tasty as it should be. And that's where we start to tip into the abyss.

We compare our meals to 2D filtered posts of things we can't taste, and we compare ourselves to the countless others: bikini bodies, home decor, extravagant wardrobes, and glam squad makeup. Hell, just being happy in general. We hold our moving picture lives up against the curated stills, and deem ourselves lesser than. Besides making us miserable as we shit talk ourselves over our perceived shortcomings, it festers into bitterness. It sours into a fake smile when a friend tells you good news and, instead of being genuinely happy for them, you start to lament your own position.

A friend recently told me that over the years one of our mutuals has repeatedly deleted him and re-added him on socials. He heard from another mutual that this was out of jealousy. Jealousy over his happy relationship, the way he was the center of the friend group, the way he walks through life on his own terms. He can only do that, and only has those things, because he genuinely isn't spending his energy comparing. He fosters connections, he does the hard internal work, and his only concern is to be better than he used to be. That's the comparison that matters.

It hit home for me as I was sifting through old papers and found pictures of myself from prom. Only a few, just some quick Polaroids; I was neither confident enough in my look nor enthused enough about high school traditions to order the ones that were taken professionally. What I remember from inside my brain that day, was that I hated my hair. I'd gotten an unfortunate haircut that year, and it was still in an awkward phase where I couldn't do much with it. My custom made dress was backless, leaving me braless, and the boob tape had failed me, so I was freeballing, so to speak. I was self conscious of that too: my heavy breasts have never been perky, and I was afraid they looked saggy and gross. Oh, and I felt fat. I was sure I was fat, because they told me I was. Because in comparison I'd noticed that some girls are built like birds and ferns, and even when I was thin, I was built like a field right before harvest.

Looking at the picture, I see none of that. I see a slender figure in a beautiful dress, with perfect breasts. I see a cute hairdo, and a confident smile. I'm taking up space like I was born to be in that dress on that day. To the outside world, I appeared confident and poised, which leads me to believe that a lot of the people we perceive as comfortable in their own skin, bold, unshrinkable, might not feel that way inside. What are we comparing ourselves to after all?

Looking back, I can compare my previous self to my current being. Sure, I was thinner, but knowing myself inside out, I also see how much more confident I am now. How I've grown into myself as a field at harvest, as someone who's hair does its own thing, who's smile isn't always photogenic, but is consistently contagious. Comparing to myself now, I see that in that moment caught on film, I was envisioning a million different futures, and can trace my path here to my peaceful, generally joyful life. No one else can see all that, and so I would suggest no one compare their path to mine. Do not compare your income, or your smile, to those of others. The magic lies in watching how far you've come, on your own terms, with no instruction manual for adulthood, and no safety net for your life below.

If you want to make changes, do. If you want to change your style or priorities, or whatever you want to upgrade your life in this fluxing world, do it. But not because someone else did it and you want to be like them: do it because you want to look back proudly, knowing that you're a superstar compared to who you used to be.

Musical Interlude

A vibrational evening of music with Magdalene featuring support from their talented friends, Morgan Weinmeister, and Bloodfarts.

About the performers:

Magdelane emerged into the Montreal music scene last year, captivating audiences with their haunting melodies and visceral lyrics. A tapestry of influences woven from the emotive depths of Jeff Buckley and the experimental spirit of Radiohead, their sound resonates with a unique blend of introspection and artistry.

Morgan Weinmeister is a singer-songwriter based just outside of Montreal who impresses with the power of both her vocals and her lyrics. Drawing heavily and earnestly from her own experiences, her words will make you laugh, make you cry and leave you feeling a little closer to Morgan.

Bloodfarts are a staple of the global music scene, with handfuls of followers chomping at the bit to hear more. They rip sounds from acts such as the Beatles, Dolly Parton, and PJ Morton and staple that to the withering bones of a Fleetwood Mac song.

Tickets are 15$ in advance, $20 at the door. (Or pay what you can, no one turned away for lack of funds.)

WHAT: An Evening with Magdelane and Friends

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Thursday, February 20, Doors @ 7 PM, Morgan Weinmeister @ 8 PM, Bloodfarts @ 9 PM, Magdelane @ 10 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

TICKETS: Eventbrite

Fabuleux

Get swept away by Amélie Poulain's Paris in this musical adaptation of the beloved French film, Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain. The cafe awaits...

Amélie is an extraordinary young woman who lives quietly in the world but loudly in her mind. She covertly improvises small but surprising acts of kindness that bring joy and mayhem. But when a chance at love comes her way, Amélie realizes that to find happiness she’ll have to risk everything and say what’s in her heart. Be inspired by this imaginative dreamer who finds her voice, discovers the power of connection, and sees possibility around every corner.

WHAT: Amélie

WHERE: MainLine Theatre, 3997 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y4

WHEN: Thursday, February 20 - Saturday, March 1

METRO: St. Laurent (Green)

TICKETS: MainlineTheatre

Smart & Sexy

Celebrate Valentine's late (because love rocks every day!) with The Sweet Heart Candyass Cabaret. It's a titillating show featuring burlesque, comedy, and variety artists with The Marvellous Kitty Catcher as MC! Featuring performances by Classy Clare, Stacey Leigh, Kandi Keen, The Professor Taelstrum, Diane Labelle, Serge the Man, Velma Candyass, Nude Yogakat, and more!

WHAT: The Sweet Heart Candyass Cabaret

WHERE: Café Cleopatre, 1230 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2X 2S5

WHEN: Friday, February 21, Doors @ 8 PM, Show @ 9 PM

METRO: St. Laurent (Green)

DETAILS: Facebook

Sketchy Laughs

Tandem Jump, Montreal's most present sketch comedy troupe, is reuniting after breaking up for a couple days. Special guests, new sketches, and 150 cc's of pure medicine-grade alternative comedy awaits.

These guys are the bees knees, and you will laugh your whole face off.

WHAT: Tandem Jump Reunion Show

WHERE: Theatre Ste. Catherine Café-Bar, 264 Ste. Catherine St. E., Montreal, H2X 1L4

WHEN: Friday, February 21 @ 10 PM

METRO: Berri-UQAM

DETAILS: Facebook

Catch These Laughs

It's another night of hilarious stand-up comedy in the heart of Montreal with Comedy on Mackay #12! The talented lineup of comedians will have you rolling in the aisles with their witty jokes and sharp humour. Don't miss out on this evening of non-stop laughter featuring Alan Fregtman, Joshua Clarke, John Cotroc, Luc Langille, and Dawn Ford. This show is rapidly gaining momentum, so snatch those tickets up. You’ll want to say you remember when, you know?

WHAT: Comedy on Mackay 12

WHERE: NsurMackay, 1242 Mackay St., Montreal, H3G 2H4

WHEN: Tuesday, February 25 @ 8 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

DETAILS: Facebook

world’s smallest week

World’s Smallest Comedy Night has so many cool things happening, we’re giving them a whole section! Let's do this in order of appearance, shall we?

What Do You Know? Like, Seriously…

Tonight! Come to Hurley's for Trivia Night, and get bonus laughter! Put your knowledge to the test! Whether you're a history buff, a pop culture guru, or a sports fanatic, there's something for everyone. Grab a pint, enjoy delicious pub fare, and get ready to show off your trivia skills. Grab your team, and enjoy this night of comedy, friendly competition, and great company. Hosted by Vance Michel, the comedians this week are tomorrow are Jonathan Burello, and Nazeer Khan.

WHAT: Trivia Night at Hurley's

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Every Wednesday @ 8 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

RSVP:Eventbrite

Femmes!

Get ready for a night of big laughs at this intimate show with an all-femme lineup of professional comedians!

Welcome to the World's Smallest Comedy Night: Femmes! This stellar lineup will have you cracking up until you pee a little (amiright ladies?).

Produced and hosted by the incredibly talented Abby Stonehouse. intimate comedy event featuring a lineup featuring

Jackie Agnew, Naga Thovinakere, Adrienne Roy, Sadie Moland, Ray Resvick, Camina Berbari Daou, Sharon Beaumont, and Elspeth Wright.

WHAT: WSCN: Femmes!

WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1

WHEN: Monday, February 24, Doors @ 730 PM, Show @ 8 PM

METRO: Lucien l'Allier (Orange) & Guy-Concordia (Green)

TICKETS: Eventbrite

Filthy Fun

The Monday Night Dirty Mic is the best uncensored open mic in town, hosted by Vance Michel. Every show is an unpredictable and unique experience as a hilarious collection of comedians from newbs to pros take the stage. See the best before anyone else, and catch seasoned locals doing their freshest funnies!

Comics: show-up, sign-up.