McSweeney’s List (28 December, 2023)
Accessible audio for McSweeney’s List will be available soon!
“In the new year, maybe I'll be a vegetarian. They can eat fish, right?” This was said at Christmas dinner over plates heaped with turkey and filet mignon. The actual vegetarians had teamed up to cook the bird for everyone else's sake. Fearing there wouldn't be enough, the future vegetarian brought the beef. “That's a pescatarian,” I said, because I care more about language than your diet. “I could eat fish,” is all she says. Admittedly, we’ve been drinking for hours, but I bite back laughter and help myself to more potatoes.
‘Tis the time for wild and well meaning pledges. The promise of the new year brings an interesting sense of fresh start, as though January 2 we all start at new schools in new towns where no one knows our names and we get to choose our styles and personas anew. Despite year after year of continuation, the change of years remains the one day that adults still believe in magic. The preparation and costumed balls, the midnight kisses and public oath taking about how we will improve ourselves. It's perhaps the most elaborate and far reaching ritual we share in a society that pretends to be above such things.
I've never successfully kept a resolution. Admittedly, I rarely make them, but I clearly remember swearing one year that I'd stop apologizing to people who bumped into me. I still haven't mastered that one, though I am better at it, so maybe I'm planting seeds that take longer than anticipated to grow. This year I'm planting hope, and holding onto faith. There are inevitable changes coming in my near future, and I don't know where they'll lead. I hate that. Surfing that uncertainty with grace and confidence is one of my projects for 2024. From here it sounds as daunting as learning how to tango and doing it in heels, but it's a vital muscle I need to exercise, so I may as well do it with bells on. Even missteps sound lovely with ankle bells…
Another long term 2024 project is to work on my boundaries. Boundaries is a complicated word for me, so I'm sneaking up on it from behind by working on teaching people how to treat me. Upon hearing this, my dear Soul Sister helped me crack the code even further. “I think of it as teaching me how to treat myself”, she said, and a door in my mind flew open. Shit, I thought, that's the crux. I can't teach people how to treat me if I'm the asshole who doesn't know how to treat myself. The elves that live in my head set up cork boards with photos and receipts, struggling to connect them all with a red thread (y’all know the scene). So this boundary resolution is going to be a bitch, but at least I have a clearer picture of the starting point. Let's check back this time next year and see where I am on that one.
It's important to remember that great changes take time and work. Even if your resolution is to quit cigs, or meat, to start working out, or any other binary promise, the path won't be as easy as flipping a switch. Chances are, you will fuck it up. But then the choice will be yours: do you stub out that cig and get back on that wagon, or do you say fuck it and go buy a pack? There's something to be discovered about your strength of commitment and character in the way you handle those missteps.
Besides conjuring faith that the new year will bring me everything I need, plus the cherry-on-top extras that I dream of, I know I need to put in some actual work. Teaching myself how I deserve to be treated is lofty, but vague, and the mark of success will be hard to quantify. It's one of those big projects that I'm starting late, so right now it’s one foot in front of the other. I intend to show up as my best self more often, not to impress anyone, but because I deserve to be my best self. I’m also adding a couple of bonus goals to my list that are a bit more tangible so I don't get lost in the sauce. For instance, I will get back to my asana practice. And a long standing goal that needs to be resolved, this year I will go to the Krishna temple. I've wanted to for years, and for some reason, haven't. In fact, this is a generational urge, as my father wanted to go for decades and never did (thus proving the heredity of procrastination if not spiritual tendencies). Getting there will settle both our souls. Also, I resolve to floss more. Or at all. This time I mean it, I swear.
Whatever you promise yourself this year, make the vow with gentle love. When the inevitable challenges rear their heads, remember why you set this goal for yourself. Let those closest to you know what's up, and don't be shy to rely on your network. Any friends worth their salt want what's best for you, and care about your health and success. The ones trying to convince your freshly vegetarian ass to scarf a burger are assholes. Recognize them, and cut them out. You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in your best self, even if it takes a lifetime to really grasp it. Fake it till you make it, y’all. Treat yourself with the same care and devotion you’d give to someone you love, and maybe, just maybe, something incredible will happen.
BIGGER AND BETTER
Expansion is back for another round of love, light, and music! Hosted by Big Daddy Queen Power, you don't want to miss this show! With performances by Yzabo, Cassa and Sam I Am Montolla, it’ll be a night to remember. They will also be facilitating interactive group activities where people can express themselves, share space, and build community. I had the pleasure of attending the first Expansion with a joyful, supportive crowd, and lovely music. I suggest grabbing your tickets ASAP, because it's likely to sell out.
WHAT: Expansion
WHERE: Petit Campus, 57 Prince Arthur St. E., Montreal, H2X 1B4
WHEN: Friday, December 29, Doors @ 7 PM, Show @ 8 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
TICKETS: LePointDeVente
LAUGH TILL NEXT YEAR
Ring in the New Year with your favourite funny folks in the heart of downtown!
The one and only Joey Elias headlines with special guest performances (I know who's hosting and cannot tell you, which makes me feel pretty cool, ngl). Plus, there's live music after the show and of course, a midnight countdown! Tickets are for the show happening on the upstairs stage on the second floor of the pub, and includes appetizers, finger food, and a beverage.
This show is brought to you by Comedy on Demand and World's Smallest Comedy Night.
WHAT: New Year's Eve at Hurley’s Irish Pub
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Sunday, December 31, Doors @ 8 PM, Show @ 9 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
TICKETS: Eventbrite
MULTIBALL
Pinball lights up my bumpers. Seriously: old school pinball games with out of date themes and era specific graphics are my fave arcade feature, and for those who feel the same, there's North Star. It's the pinball place to be, with classic and obscure machines switching out periodically so you can try ‘em all. The drinks are great, and how many times have you wished you could drink and play? The vibe is chill, welcoming and friendly, which is why it's been a mainstay on the Main for 8 years now. In case you think I'm bluffing my enthusiasm, this was the first bar I went to after lockdown, when we still had to sign in to shared spaces. Whether you're curious about the analog age or ready to join a league (yes, seriously), this place is a good time. To mark New Year’s Eve along with North Star’s 8th birthday, Punk Police are back spinning 80’s vinyls all night long. Plus uh, there's pinball. Did I mention that? Double plus, prizes and a toast at midnight! Bring your dancing shoes, and get your flipper fingers ready.
WHAT: NYE 80’s Jam & North Star’s 8th Anniversary
WHERE: North Star Pinball Bar, 3908 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y2
WHEN: Sunday, December 31, 8 PM
METRO: St. Laurent (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
Given that it's the end of the year, I figured I'd let our Creative Director Andrew Jamieson slide in at my anchor desk and share some goodies close to his heart (which he does have. He's genuinely lovely, and if you don't think so we can fight about it, if you really want).
hardcore new years eve
As highlighted by my feature on local professional wrestler Kristara, I really fucking love pro wrestling. It is a performance art that is often overlooked by outsiders. So, this NYE, get INSIDE. Well, maybe not inside, but as close as you’re going to get, as IWS will be at Piranha Bar for the latest edition of Blood 4 Blood, a ringless pro wrestling event!
Join us for a thrilling night of no-ring professional wrestling on Dec 31st! Admission is FREE, so bring your friends for an unforgettable New Year's Eve event! Let's ring in 2024 with Violence!
WHAT: IWS Blood 4 Blood
WHERE: Piranha Bar (Downstairs), 680 Saint-Catherine St W, Montreal, Quebec H3B 1C2
WHEN: Sunday, December 31, 10 PM
METRO: McGill (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
When One Door Closes…
Being a community leader, or organizer, is an exhausting and thankless job. As such, not everyone is cut out for the work involved, which can leave a lasting impact on the community being served. On December 31st The Freestanding Room, a DIY membership-based rehearsal and performance space, will close it’s doors after 15 years at Saint Laurent and Marie-Anne. While the sympathetic narrative is being shared through news outlets and social media, the truth behind the closure of this integral space remains out of reach for most of the theatre community, which is yet another disservice to add to a growing list.
Fortunately, when one door closes, another opens. As is the cycle with DIY venues and rehearsal spaces in Montreal, as one closes, something new will rise up. (Stay tuned for information on the opening of Espace Unité at Saint Laurent and des Pins!)
For those wanting to mourn the closure, and celebrate the life, of The Freestanding Room, you’re invited to The Reminiscence on December 30th, featuring performances “inspired by The Freestanding Room".
WHAT: The Freestanding Room Reminiscence
WHERE: The Freestanding Room, 4324 St Laurent Blvd (3RD FLOOR), Montreal, Quebec H2W 1Z3
WHEN: Sunday, December 30, 6 PM
METRO: Mont Royal (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Happy New Year! See you in 2024!
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
