McSweeney’s List (21 December, 2023)
Accessible audio for McSweeney’s List will be available soon!
It doesn't feel like Christmas. Sure, it feels Christmas-ish, and I'm digging the lights, and the folks out buying gifts are a chipper bunch, but it's different, too. Yes, we have a rainfall warning, and yes I'm in my cute little denim biker jacket instead of my giant parka, and no, that's not helping. (I am loving it though. I could do this spring weather all winter.) But it's more than that.
While Christmas comes at the same time every year, this one comes in the middle of my own season of flux. The parties are planned and the gifts are all en route (um, the gifts are not), but I'm not hosting anything this year. It takes an edge off, but also gives me one less thing to plan for, tinker with, look forward to. Recent shifts in my personal life make for a far less festive home this year, and truth be told, I couldn't be fucked to decorate. Don't get me wrong, walking into other people's decorated homes, with the lights, and stockings, and YouTube fireplace is lovely. Something inside me sighs, ah yes, THIS. But not my home, not this year.
Christmas breaks seem to have gone out the window for most of my friends too. Gone are the days when companies shut down between Christmas and the New Year. Folks I know who do have a few extra days off are being expected to work from home, as if that's a vacation. Personally, I managed to snag time off, but only because I held onto my PTO days like grim death, planning my hibernation since last January. Still, steeped as we are in the stress of the holiday season, and the natural lethargy of winter itself, we should all be off work right now. But that's not happening, and it steals some magic from the mood.
So yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself, and sorry for all of us, as we struggle with commercial expectations, time crunches, and our own personal bundles of holiday baggage. The bright side (and Lord knows I must find one, or my reality will fully collapse), is that I'm feeling compassionate. I'm giving less thought to the people with staged holiday photos, and more thought to those who are just trying to make it through. I'm thinking about how, for so many people, the holidays mean family, and how that emphasizes those who are absent. I'm thinking of the way that for so many people family dinners will be stressful as they bite their black sheep tongues and try to just get out before the fight. I'm thinking of people who volunteered to work Christmas Day because it will just be another day anyway, so why not make the double time.
Sure, these people exist every year, (and all year round,) and no, I don't deserve credit for recognizing it once. What I am noticing is how different the season feels from this perspective. I sense the festivity, and I'm glad to see rosy cheeked children smiling, families travelling in joyful packs, but I don't have Christmas carols in my head, or even on my playlist. I feel quiet, contemplative. Coming off of a monumental birthday is adding to this, of course. I'm painfully aware that I have never been this old before, and will never be this young again (a double edged sword that is always lodged in my heart, feeling particularly sharp at the moment). I'm poignantly aware of a sense of loneliness that I didn't feel when the leaves were falling, even though nothing has changed. I am seeing the holidays through a new lens, and while it's definitely uncomfortable, I am grateful for the opportunity of a new experience. I'm allowing myself to sink into the parts that seem bottomless while careful not to stray too far from my lifelines. I'm looking directly into the face of my own expectations and the things I would like to change. I'm letting myself drink from the bottle of Perpetual Existential Crisis more than usual, more than is wise, but it seems right. There's some magic underlying this season, and even if this year it isn't about fa-la-las, there's something powerful in the collective chemistry. I'm trying to tap into that to expedite my own transformation in the hopes of getting a head start on my metamorphosis and New Era™️.
Wherever -- and however -- Christmas finds you, I hope you take a moment to observe. To check in, to acknowledge your journey, to mark time so that the memory becomes a future landmark. Remember that much like the lights and paper, this too shall pass, for better or worse, so savour whatever flavour the moment serves up. Blessed be.
DANCE IT OUT
Get your glitter and sequins out, because it's time for a Studio 54 inspired Christmas party! DJ Raven will have you dancing like there's no tomorrow! The party is free, so all you need to think about are your sweet moves.
WHAT: Studio 54 - L’Esco Christmas Party
WHERE: L’Escogriffe, 4459 Rue St-Denis, Montreal, QC H2J 2L2
WHEN: Friday, December 22, 10 PM
METRO: Mont-Royal (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
LAUGH FOR CHRISTMAS
After the family requirements and once the dinner settles, go get what you really wanted for Christmas: laughs!!! World's Smallest Comedy Night continues into the night with rated-R stand up comedy not for the faint of the heart. Hosted by Vance Michel, this show features professional comedians who’ve appeared on JFL, CBC, CTV and KiLL Tony, Plus amateurs who want to try out new material. The cool part about amateur comedy is you can literally witness a star in the making!
WHAT: Monday Night Dirty Mic
WHERE: Hurley's Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St., Montreal, H3G 2B1
WHEN: Monday, December 25, Sign-up @ 1020 PM, Show @ 1030 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
