McSweeney’s List (14 August 2024)
If you think you’re enlightened, the saying goes, go spend time with your family. Obviously it will take a different length of time for each person to get caught in their egos. If you do it consciously enough though, you can clock the moment you slip into the battles you left behind but were apparently just on pause all these years. Each family takes its own time to revert; to bring up the sensitive topics, the judgements, the disputed memories. In my family, it takes the length of a dinner.
I started with a small family, and as the years go by, it gets smaller. Still, even the smallest apartment has a drawer you avoid opening. When my sister invited me to go with her to dinner at my aunt's, I swallowed my, uh, not pride…(maybe better judgement?) but something, and agreed to go. I've seen my aunt and uncle once in the past 25 years, and that was about 2 years ago, so it felt like I could manage. Plus, my sis and I do our best diversions as a team, so it was the best scenario all around. You're a hero, she texted, and I thought yes, yes I fkn am.
I lied when I said that my family timeframe was the length of dinner. We were still on the couch when both Subtle Shade and Unashamed Bullshit made their appearances. When my aunt found out I was single, she asked how many that made now, and I asked if she meant my dating record or my body count, offering her pictures of both. She quickly changed tack, saying she only cared that I was happy. I told her I was happy. She told me she didn't believe me. What followed was a comedy routine of her asking my sister if I was happy, my sister asking me, me telling my sister I was, and then her repeating that to my aunt. Well, I believe her, my aunt said as though something had truly been learned.
We should really order dinner, my brother-in-law-type said. Oh fuck, this was going to be a long night.
We actively avoided all things political, and most things familial. It was a dangerous balancing act. Thankfully, my sister and I slipped easily into our version of a song and dance routine, volleying easy prompts, joking, showing everyone various pictures on our phones to keep the conversation in safe zones. Still, the boomers brought up every plane crash and violent crime in the news, their version of juicy tidbits, I suppose. I wondered when they’d last gone outside, when they last laughed, what it's like to live your senior years swimming through the negativity you've collected by the bucketful for so long.
For sure they won't read this. It's funny how little my aunt actually wanted to know about me or my daughter, choosing instead to rehash the same power dynamic and complaints we've always struggled with. My uncle asked about my life, my Kiddo’s life, and when he tried to pass it along, he was ignored. Because my actual life throws a wrench into the image of me she chooses to have. My actual life has no space in it for her opinions, for her frowns and judgements.
At one point I told the table that the underlying issue was that my aunt had expected that I would agree with her more as I aged. She used to look at me with condescension, saying that I would understand when I grew up. I'm now about the age she was when she was a bigger presence in my life, and I now see clearly how so much of life is choices. The choice to harp or to let go, to talk about violent crimes or flowers. There is a choice to embrace life, or lock yourself away and hate it all from a condo in the sky, a choice to seek out things you love, or focus on all that you hate.
When my aunt left the room, I told my uncle to blink twice if he needed help, and we laughed and laughed. By the time the conversation rolled around to the dangerous evils of recreational drugs (but don't you love yourself?!), it was time for us to say how late it was getting, and gracefully take our leave.
I slept 11 hours that night, as if I'd run a marathon, and emotionally speaking I suppose I did. Determined to find meaning, I asked myself what I'd learned. Well, I learned that people choose the version of you that they want to see, and nothing in real life can change that. I read a perfectly timed meme that said that toxic people lock you into the version of you where they had the most power over you. Ding ding ding. I was reminded that not everyone wants to know who you are, but only how you fit into their narrative. And the cool thing is, you're free to live outside of those lines, ignore that narrative, and choose your own adventure. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the whole point of this whole life thing. And remember, Dear Reader, that the meaning of family isn't about blood…it's about so much more than that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Friend of Forget The Box, and all-around Montreal sweetheart Avery Jane is celebrating her 25th birthday, and we’re all invited! Join Yzabo, and Avery Jane (with her band) for a beach-themed birthday bash! There will even be a prize for the best dressed!
WHAT: Avery Jane’s Birthday Bash
WHERE: Turbo Haus, 2040 Rue Saint-Denis, Montreal
WHEN: Friday, August 16th @ 8PM
METRO: Berri-UQAM (Orange/Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
GET IT WHILE YOU CAN
As the back to school commercials start creeping in, I'm reminded that we're running out of lazy summer days in the grass. All the more reason to get your comedy outside while you can. Stand Up Comedy in NDG/Girouard Park has cemented itself as a summer tradition, and helluva good time.
Created and hosted by local legend Zak Kik, the lineup is handpicked and the vibe is warm and welcoming. Abby Stonehouse recently wrote about this unique event right here, so you can get the history and the inside scoop and whet your appetite for this weekend.
This free show, supported by generous donations, brings laughter and entertainment to the community. Everyone is encouraged to bring their blankets, drinks, and camping chairs, for a cozy and relaxed night.
WHAT: Stand Up Comedy in NDG/Girouard Park
WHERE: Girouard/ NDG Park: The show will take place in the outfield of the baseball diamond.
WHEN: Saturdays till the season falls off, @ 8 PM
METRO: Vendôme (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
Three - In - One
On August 18th, Sophie Lane be performing three sets of her own arrangements and tunes at the incredible Upstairs Jazz Bar and Grill. She’ll be accompanied by a wonderful band of friends, too! You won't wanna miss this one!
BAND:
Esteban Montana on Guitar
Fèlix Gagnè-Tremblay on Piano
Adelina Steinmetz on Flute
Arian Aghajan on Bass
Ben Shaw on Drums
SETS:
7:30pm: All Cole Porter classics
8:45pm: Broadway Diva Era
10:00pm: ?!? Magical Mystery Set ?!?
Call ahead to reserve a table/seat!
UPSTAIRS: 514-931-6808
WHAT: Sophie Lane and Friends
WHERE: Upstairs Jazz Bar and Grill, 1254 Mackay St, Montreal, Quebec H3G 2H4
WHEN: Sunday, August 18 @ 7:30PM
METRO: Guy Concordia (Green)
DETAILS: Facebook
THIS IS YOUR LAST DAMN CHANCE… for now
This Sunday, join US (your friendly Forget The Box family) on the second floor of the legendary Bar Bifteck in the heart of the Plateau for the LAST EDITION of our multidisciplinary showcase series On The Boulevard! We’ll be taking a break in September, so this is your last chance to hang out with Forget The Box, and catch some unbelievable talent!
Speaking of talent, this week we’ve got a lineup that you would have to pay $25+ to see ANYWHERE else in Montreal! We’ve got comedy from Abby Stonehouse, Sloan Kooshan, Troy Stark, Alo Azimov, music from Mike Hand and Dirty Eddy, and spoken word from Tara McGowan-Ross… and more special guests!
This event is a fundraiser for Forget The Box, so if you love what we do (covering local ground level, underground, and marginalized art) come out and support! Help us evolve!
ACCESSIBILITY: The event is on the second floor of Bifteck, up a flight of stairs, please let us know if you need assistance.
WHAT: On The Boulevard - Multidisciplinary Showcase
WHERE: Bar Bifteck, 3702 St Laurent Blvd, Montreal, Quebec H2X 2V4
WHEN: Sunday, August 18 @ 8PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
PLUG IT!
On August 25th at Poubelle Magnifique, Sloan Kooshan will present The SWANA Comedy Show: Comic Relief for Palestine. This show is more than just comedy—it's a fundraiser for Palestine. All proceeds will go towards The Ghassan Abu Sittah Children's Fund, an organization dedicated to providing critical medical attention to the children of Gaza.
Check out this episode of historic Montreal podcast Go Plug Yourself where Sloan and FTB Editor-At-Large Dawn McSweeney discuss the event, and the YOUR SHOW HERE mentorship program making the show possible.
Listen HERE!
FAT MIC
This submission came without details, just the Fats…I'm not sure that works in print. Ahem. Every Monday, bring your jokes (and puns) to Fats Billiard for the open mic! Have drinks, play pool, take the stage, or cheer on those who do. Hosted by Mark G. (Fun fact, Fats used to be Fat’s, but apostrophes are illegal here. That's my time, folks.)
WHAT: Phat Mondaze Comedy Open Mic
WHERE: Fats Billiards Bar, 1635 St. Catherine St. W., Montreal, H3H 1L8
WHEN: Every Monday, @ 8 PM
METRO: Guy-Concordia (Green)
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
