McSweeney’s List (4 September 2024)
One of the things I dig about social media, is that for the first time in human history, elders can drop their perspective and advice to the younger generations at large. My favorite is tell the cops nothing, tell the paramedics everything, your eyebrows are fine. Truer words have rarely been spoken. Seriously: there are tons of women my age and older who are still living with the results of early aughts eyebrow trends. While my eyebrows are bushy and beautiful, it made me think of a few lessons I wished I’d known sooner.
It is a fashion show, but fuck trends.
When I was struggling to decide what to wear, going through outfit after outfit, my mother would tell me that wherever we were going, it wasn't a fashion show. But it was, and it is. Clothes are your outside skin, and they not only change how people treat you, but also how you feel. If you love your fit, you’ll walk into rooms with your shoulders back (even the rooms where you're the only one dressed like you). Your tribe will find you more easily if they can see who you really are instead of trying to blend, or just throwing things on. But very few people look good in low risers. Jumping on every trend and trying to wear the It Fit of the moment will only lead you to financial misery and low self esteem. Plus, you look like you have no taste or personal opinions. Better a weird looking individual than a weird looking cog in the marketing wheel.
Believe them when they tell you who they are, but actions speak louder than words
These are two sides of one coin. People will inadvertently, or intentionally, tell you who they are, and you disbelieve them at your own peril. If someone says they aren't the marrying type, don't come crying when they don't propose. On the other hand, people say some wild shit, and you should clock it. Ever notice that no one ever says “I’m a nice person” without adding a but? Truly good people will never claim to be, dig? Also, words are cheap, and actions speak volumes. When the two don't jive, err on the side of actions.
If you're confused, they don't like you (enough). From a romantic standpoint, I've lived through trends that really made me roll my eyes, like The Rules, the 1995 book that had everyone waiting 3 days before calling. Playing games was temporarily deemed the only way to catch Mr. Right. My favourite shift though, came in the form of the 2004 book (and 2009 film) He's Just Not That Into You. It changed the conversations women were having, and normalized telling your bestie that despite her swooning heart, dude didn't really care. I'd like to bring that vibe back. We soft-hearted lovers (and neurodivergents who are thrown off by inauthenticity) often blame ourselves, or make excuses for those we care about. Allow me to remind you (and myself) that when someone really cares, there is no confusion. People who care will make it clear that they do. They'll make time for you in their busy day, and space for you in their complicated lives. Anything less, and honestly, they're just not that into you.
Only get trashed with your nearest and dearest. The best way to avoid fights, arrests, robberies, and unwanted pregnancies, is to blackout only with those you trust. Getting obnoxiously drunk is not a good way to get to know people, and it's the wrong time to count on the wrong people. Years ago, a friend called me the morning after a bachelorette party, and laughingly told me that I had passed out at the table the night before. But she buried the lead, because bitch let me leave alone, knowing I was walking in some sketchy spots and obviously should not be. I never felt the same way about that group after that. But it's not only booze: you cannot do acid with just anyone, or mushrooms, etc. A bad vibe leads to a bad trip, so when you're planning to get out of hand, keep a real buddy with you. Bonus points if you let your friends know your plans and limits ahead of time (i.e. here's how I intend to get home, I don't want to go home with anyone, or no matter what I say, don't let me call my dealer).
Do you, ffs, as loud as you wanna
I've always endeavoured not to shrink myself for small spaces, and yet, I have. It's as though this lesson comes in layers, and things that didn't feel like shrinking 2 years ago, do feel like self-censorship now. My Self has gotten bigger, brighter, and louder, and my tolerance for biting my tongue or curbing my behavior has waned substantially. My favorite social media quip on this one is stop making yourself bite sized for the comfort of others; let them choke.
And seriously: go easy on your eyebrows.
ladies, and ladies, and ladies, oh my!
Ladyfest is currently in progress!!! 3 locations, 16 shows, and the best female, femme and non-binary comics in town! Checkout my preview of all the goodies on offer, the lineups, and links to tickets!
If you’re wanting some of those feel good laughs tomorrow, check this one out:
THEY GO LOW, WE GO LAUGH
Ladyfest Montreal is BACK!!
Women of Colour (& Friends!) express their comedic voices in new and vibrant ways!
'They Go Low, We Go Laugh will leave you heartily laughing, indeed thanks to its bold acts' - Toronto Star
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They Go Low, We Go Laugh is a variety show where folx of colour and marginalized identities may do stand-up, improv, storytelling, solo sketch, a poem, a monologue, a song, you name it! - all in the name of shining a little bit more light in this world. We invite all to celebrate our voices with us.
This Edition Features:
Sara Meleika
Surer Qaly Deria
Marlyne
Carmina Berbari Daou
Shahlla
Mina Minou
WHAT: They Go Low, We Go Laugh
WHERE: Mainline Theatre, 3997 St Laurent Blvd, Montreal, Quebec H2W 1Y4
WHEN: Thursday, September 5 @ 8:30PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
DETAILS: Facebook
IT'S BACK!
Artloft’s comedy night returns from its summer hiatus with none other than Wassim El-Mounzer closing down the joint!
The only weekly bilingual comedy show is back with edition #283. Hosted by Quinn McMorrow, there will also be some great featured acts from the city and afar! Pilla Keys will be there on the ones and twos.
Come see why this is the one of the hottest rooms in the city!
THE OTHER SIDE OF ANDREW
Andrew Jamieson, classically trained antagonist (and our Creative Director), shows off his B-Side for one night only. You may know him as a writer, a poet, an actor, director, producer, creator of stimulating (and confusing) immersive work, but few people know him as a vocalist, a chanteur.
This Sunday, Andrew Jamieson, with assistance from the unbelievably talented Sophie Lane, will correct this egregious oversight. Join Andrew, Sophie, and Esteban Montana for a truly unforgettable evening.
Drawing on his life as a performer, Andrew Jamieson will take the audience on a journey of story and song, covering some of his favorite musical theatre compositions. There will be laughs, there will be tears, but rest assured: there will be NO Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Comedian, producer, and podcaster Abby Stonehouse gets the night started with laughs!
GET YOUR TICKETS HERE: THE WIGGLE ROOM
Don't sleep on this, who knows when, if ever, Andrew Jamieson will show this side again!?
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If you’re unsure of what to expect, check out this very definitely anonymously leaked audio from a recent B-Side rehearsal!
WHAT: Andrew Jamieson’s B-Side
WHERE: The Wiggle Room, 3874 St. Laurent Blvd., Montreal, H2W 1Y2
WHEN: Sunday, September 8 @ 9 PM
METRO: Sherbrooke (Orange)
TICKETS: Wiggle Room
McSweeney’s List drops every Wednesday with the best events, workshops, and more, each week in Montreal!
