MCSWEENEY’S LIST (22 MARCH, 2023)
I'm a city girl.
When I was little, I collected metro transfers. I went to school by city bus, long before I ever rode a yellow one. I was probably around 10 when I got away from city lights long enough to see constellations, and it would be another 15 years before I saw the awe inspiring display you can catch if you keep going farther.
The burbs give me the heebie jeebies, and I am prepared at a moment's notice to extrapolate upon the various reasons why, whether or not anyone asks.
I have never camped, and intend to keep my perfect record. I will not pee outside, but I will line up for a festival porta potty that's been baking in the sun.
All this to say, despite my long hair, crystals, barefoot on the mountain tendencies, I shouldn't be trusted with "earthy" things. I don't even know what poison ivy looks like, but it sounds god awful.
And yet, sometimes, whether it's my heritage, my womb, the stars, or the season, my blood becomes attuned to the most visceral pitch. It's like intuition on a cosmic scale. My bones trill.
It hit me Saturday night. Sitting on my couch, chillaxin', listening to something funny from somewhere, and I was like a pointer dog hot on a trail. But of what? I closed my eyes and tried to look into the feeling, which is like when Ramsay makes chefs taste things blindfolded. I smelled rain on concrete, and that weird scent that comes before the growing season (it smells like sneezes to me; maybe it smells different to you, or maybe you have no idea WTF I'm talking about). I saw glimpses of memories: cool but not cold nights, walking under trees that don't have leaves yet, but are wearing their neon buds like tiny, hopeful lights.
This is the kind of feeling that only stays as long as it wants to, so I refused to let go until it did. I concentrated harder, delved deeper. The Earth was busy: the plants were preparing their finery, the bugs were doing their important things. I could feel the tiny buzzing of it all, and then that growing louder across distance.
I checked the calendar and found that spring is truly upon us (I'm writing this on the spring equinox, in fact). But what's a city gal to do with all this buzzing in my soul? I chopped inches off my hair (which sounds dramatic, but is imperceptible: my mane remains untamed and oversized, but I know, and I can feel the difference).
It's still weeks before the Celtic fertility festival of Beltane on May 1st, a tradition that usually aligns well with our climate. As such, it remains too soon for bonfires and barefoot mud dancing, but I think that works out perfectly. Between then and now, we have the space to plan our own seasonal growths and changes. We can shake off the stasis of winter, take our long, lazy stretch, and check out who we've become while we weren't looking. We can decide how we step into the sunlight, how we will best greet the blooms, and blossom into our best selves. Fuck beach bodies, I'm talking about personal evolution. I'm talking about using the undeniable energy of the changing season to propel yourself to your own next level. Sure, the flowers and trees don't have to think about it, but we're pattern bald apes in pants: we've fallen a bit out of touch.
For the doubters and those who can only think in tangibles, I assure you that this wasn't drug induced. It's much more primal than that: just a woman of a certain age with a period that lined up with the Equinox. Just a random human who hasn't given up on us all being bigger than the limited spaces we assign ourselves, and hopes that you don't either.
Started From the Bottom
Back in 2009, some friends decided that the alternative media scene in Montreal needed something more. Everything seemed pre-packaged, rote, basic, and funny enough, rarely local. They wanted to think outside the box; so far out that they would forget the box entirely.
And thus, Forget The Box was born. Over the years, faces came and went, and for a few years there were only really 3 people behind the scenes running the show. Not only would Forget The Box never have started without Jason C. McLean, it certainly couldn't have continued without his dedication.
Now, with a growing foundation beneath our feet, a restructured head office, and fab new folks in our FTB Fam, Jason can finally take a breath. It's time for him to bask in his achievements, put on his Founder hat (it's probably a top hat, though I could see him in something with a giant, exotic feather), and get back to writing.
He'll be sharing his thoughts weekly in his new series Behind The Curtain.
So, watch this space…well, that space. You get it.
Funny Matters
Tonight at The Diving Bell Social Club, Tales of Gender Affirmation returns! In a world where we look around to see who else is laughing before we do, this show is creating a safe space for jokes. It's all about gender identity, and will showcase some trans, non-binary, gender non-conforming folx, plus an ally or two. Hosted by Alo Azimov, and featuring Elspeth Wright, the tickets are a steal at $10, but please note that no one will be turned away for lack of funds. Bring your best Self, and get ready to laugh.
WHERE: The Diving Bell Social Club, 3956 Blvd St. Laurent, 3rd Floor, H2W 1Y3
WHEN: Wednesday, March 22, 2023 @ 7:30PM
INFO: Facebook
I Liked Banging Pots
Norman Nawrocki's a talented guy. He's a playwright, a musician, and he's launching his fifteenth book.
Titled Red Squared Montreal, the novel takes place during the Quebec student strike of 2012, which was a pretty invigorating time in Montreal. Reading the wiki to remind myself of the deets, I'm shaking my head: anytime a government makes picketing near universities illegal, things will get messy. And it did. Just over 3500 people were arrested.
A simple red square pinned to you quietly told everyone whose side you were on.
This book is a fictional account told through the eyes of one of the student protesters.
"Revolt & hope, love & rage collide", I'd the line that stuck with me in the description. That's some eternal shit at play, all set in our Belle Ville.
The book drops this week in grand fashion, with videos, a reading, and Nawrocki himself on violin.
“What a read! Montréal’s most charming political raconteur has written a vivid captivating chronicle of the electrifying days of Quebec’s 2012 Maple Spring.”
– Martin Lukacs, journalist/author, The Trudeau Formula
WHERE: Coop Bar Milton Parc, 3714 Parc Ave, Montreal, H2X 2J1
WHEN: Thursday, March 23, 2023 @ 5-7PM
INFO: Facebook
They Say Size Doesn't Matter
I don't immediately think of comedy when I think of Hurley's; I think of beer. Seems though, that both truths can exist at once.
I keep hearing about The World's Smallest Comedy Night, so I know it's good.
They boast "the best comedians in the city, hot up-and-comers, national and international touring comics and more surprises". (Personally, I like surprises, so MORE SURPRISES is a promise I'll hold you to.)
Friday night they bring back the funny with food and drinks, and a great way to start your weekend.
PREMIUM STAND-UP COMEDY AT HURLEY'S IRISH PUB.
Come see professional comedians performing top grade comedy every Friday in Downtown Montreal.
Food & Drinks will be served during the show.
WHERE: Hurley’s Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St, Montreal, Quebec H3G 2B1
WHEN: Monday, March 27, 2023 @ 8PM
INFO: Facebook
I Need More Princess Outfits
This bad boy originally opened off-Broadway in 1959, so we're talking about a classic here, whether you've heard of it or not.
Based on Hans Christian Andersen's The Princess and the Pea, Once Upon A Mattress has all the royalty you'd expect, plus a musical score, a rubber chicken, and a dude named Prince Dauntless the Drab, which gives me giggles.
It's offering the "behind the scenes" account of how the fairy tale really came to be, which is a super cool concept I'd like to see. They've got a live band too, which more fairy tales also need.
WHERE: Casgrain Theatre, John Abbott College, 21275 Lakeshore Road, Ste. Anne-de-Bellevue
WHEN: March 22- 25, 2023 @ 7:30PM
TICKETS: ShowTix4U
Finally got to meet Abby Stonehouse today irl, and as much as I dig her writing, I genuinely dig her even more in person. Her smile is infectious, which is a handy asset for a chick who's been in the comedy scene for 7 years…I don't know her well enough to say if she'll be offended by my calling her a chick, but I doubt it; she doesn't seem like that kinda broad.
Anyway, here's some funny stuff you should know about via Abby's Additions.
WHERE: Rustik Bar and Grill, 5617 Sherbrooke St W, Montreal, Quebec H4A 1W4
WHEN: Thursday, March 23 @ 8:30PM
INFO: Facebook
WHERE: Hurley’s Irish Pub, 1225 Crescent St, Montreal, Quebec H3G 2B1
WHEN: Friday, March 24 @ 8PM
INFO: Facebook
Cafe Eevee Laughknights Comedy Show
WHERE: Café Eevee, 1251 Rue Saint-Zotique Est Montréal, QC H2S 1N8
WHEN: Saturday, March 25 @ 8PM
TICKETS: EventBrite
WHERE: Lord Williams Pub, 265 Rue des Seigneurs, Montréal, H3J 0B3
WHEN: Tuesday, March 28, 2023 @ 8PM
TICKETS: EventBrite
