MCSWEENEY’S LIST (29 MARCH, 2023)
Introducing McSweeney’s (Play)List for 29 March, 2023!
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Café Depot opened its doors in 1995 (their sign says "established 1994", but I can't argue with their corporate About page).
It was definitely one of those years, though from here the dates are fuzzy. My bestie and I spent a lot of time in the Plateau that summer. We'd wake up early and begin the long haul from the West Island via the 215 bus to Côte Vertu, a trip that required more determination than bus fare. If you think transit schedules are sketchy now, check me in the '90s with no phone, no way to know if the bus had passed early, or was coming late.
We'd get off at St. Laurent metro and head up the hill, peeking in shops, smoking cigs, people watching. Eventually we'd come to St. Louis Square, where we'd lounge in the grass, reading, laughing, anything to not go home until we absolutely had to.
We frequented cheapie food joints. There was Subway (they still had stickers you could save for freebies), and Lafleur's, the one that burned down a few years ago. That place was a godsend for hungry suburban kids who just wanted to hang in the hood. It was about four bucks for a family fry, and while we generally had that between us, we did once repurpose the change from the fountain into food.
One afternoon we decided hey, we never go to Arby's, and there's one at the corner, so let's do it. There had been one at the corner of St. Lau and Prince Arthur for however long, but apparently we weren't the only folks who had skipped a visit; we walked up the street only to find the place closed. A shiny new thing stood in its place however: Café Depot.
Now, gather round children and let me tell you about a time years ago, when no one much cared about coffee. I know, it's wild. Believe me when I tell you that diner coffee now is slightly better than it once was, while the difference in McDonald's coffee is mind blowing. It was all crap: watery or burned, no in between. Coffee cups weren't an accessory, they were a sign that you were too busy to sit down for a proper cup, or so tired that you had to settle for a shitty caffeine delivery system.
This though, was a café. It had couches, music, all sorts of mechanical noises, and GAWD it smelled good. As a fan of dead literary types (even then), I'd read about places like this, but only that. I had my first espresso based drink -- probably a café au lait, because the words made sense -- and it was foamy, and served in a giant bowl I had to cradle in both hands like I was having a full moment with this beverage, which I really was. We shared a piece of cake, chosen from the delectable display under the glass counter, mind boggled at the $5 price tag, but worth every penny.
I was smitten; by coffee, by coffeehouse culture, by the sense of freedom that came with taking up space in an adult-centric setting. Not being much for new places, I kept going to that spot. When I was pregnant and told to ixnay the caffeine, I would go there with friends for the smells and the sounds (and to dip my fingers in their foam). In the early 2000s, already sporting a nostalgic smile at my youthful memories, I would spend hours there with a dude. We'd bring our notebooks, a deck of cards, our measly dollars, and stay until sunrise. You could still smoke inside.
Never having been a club kid, and equipped with an Irish/Ukranian liver that makes bars spin dollar signs in my cartoon eyes, this was how we'd stay out all night. Right before 3 AM, staff would move the garbage bins in front of the bathroom doors with a sign that said "Out Of Order". We'd watch the bar crowds come in, see how many left quickly. When the metro started back up, we'd take our leave, stepping out into a whole new day.
Fast forward to the present tense, and I'm writing this while drinking a McCafé coffee (that was delivered to my house!). Coffee has become so culturally ingrained, it's easy to think it's always been this way. I French press my coffee now, and have my own espresso machine to really kick it up a notch. At this stage of adulthood, it's trickier to find folks to hang until sunrise with. And all that makes it all the more imperative that we create the moments in which to hold a cup with 2 hands, put down our phones and have a conversation with the people we're sharing our all too precious time with, remember that a coffeehouse can be a whole escape from reality if you choose it to be.
That Café Depot is now a Second Cup, and there's a Café Depot on the platform at Lionel Groulx, because no self respecting urban centre would force you to be more than a few steps away from a caffeinated bevvy, even underground.
As for the 215 to Côte Vertu, it's still a thing, but certainly not the most efficient way to escape the 'burbs (or go there, if you need to for some strange reason). I'll leave the transit tips to Jason C. MacLean; he's our in-house self-proclaimed transit aficionado, and he's got all the weird STM trivia you've secretly wondered about but didn't know who to ask. In fact, hey Jason C. MacLean, can you tell me why the metro brakes so hard pulling into Berri-UQAM? Despite the intercom warning, folks are always getting caught up by Newton's First Law, and frankly, a lot of coffee is being spilled.
Hey, I Know These People!
You know who's hilarious? Abby Stonehouse and Morgan O'Shea. Abby's not only part of our FTB Fam, she's also a full-time comedian, podcaster, and comedy scenester. Morgan's a dude I met over a cig at Andrew Jamieson's Sleazy Christmas, making normal-ass small talk, and next thing I know, he's on stage slaying. I laughed till I snorted.
This Thursday, catch them each telling tales of times life's done them dirty in this storytelling comedy show.
I promise that this will be funny. Might even catch me and Andrew Jamieson in the crowd, so say hi!
WHAT: GET FXCKED
WHERE: Le Basement, 3716 Notre-Dame St. W., Montreal, H4C 1P7
WHEN: Thursday, March 30, 7:30 PM
METRO: Place-Saint-Henri
TICKETS: EventBrite
No Actual Cotton Candy Will Be Served
I like punk. The music, the ethos, the style, I keep getting older, and punk thankfully, remains punk. I hate to admit it, but my punk playlists are American dominated (and a bit dated), so when I saw this show, I put on my listening ears and checked everyone out.
As soon as Bàrbe À Pàpà kicked in, I got amped up, and wanted to see them live with a bunch of other amped up humans. I'm gonna be a fan now, it's that simple. As a bonus, they're my first ever French punk band. Their FB bio calls them a "Pop Punk Garage Franco Duo", which is accurate.
Next up is The Speakeasy. Never heard of these guys before, which is wild 'cuz they're up my alley. If you told me they were on 99.9 The Buzz right now, I would believe it. They're that perfect blend of punk and hard rock that makes me think they'll hit the big time. So good I'm sceptical, and wonder if they were designed in a lab. Their new single Breakfast Drugs drops Thursday.
Barnak are the headliners, celebrating the release of their latest EP, Faune Urbain. They call their style "a joyful mix of rock/blues/bluegrass giving a purely Quebecois and irreverent Rural Rock". They'll definitely appeal to the metalhead in your life, so bring them too.
As always, the Turbo Haüs dress code applies: "Dress to impress. Or not. We don't give a shit."
WHAT: Barnak with Bàrbe À Pàpà & The Speakeasy
WHERE: Turbo Haüs, 2040 Saint Denis St., Montreal, H2X 1E7
WHEN: Friday, March 31 @ 7:00PM
METRO: Sherbrooke
INFO: Facebook
I Learned A New Phrase!
James Gnam's coming in from Vancouver for a solo dance performance, but he's got so much MTL cred that he's pretty much a Montrealer anyway.
Called Entre Chien et Loup, the title refers to the twilight hours, during which it would be hard to distinguish a dog from a wolf, "the hour of transformation, dancing between fear and security, known and unknown."
The piece is inspired by his lockdown experience, but not about lockdown, ya feel? Locked down with kids, he had to rediscover imaginative play, and that's a big part of what he's bringing to the stage. It also explores the sense of "increasing uncertainty beyond the safe space of home, the piece lives within structures where time and activity expand and collapse".
WHAT: Entre Chien et Loup
WHERE: MAI Montréal, arts interculturels, 3680, rue Jeanne-Mance, #103, Montréal, H2X 2K5
WHEN: Wednesday, March 29 - Saturday, April 1 @ 730 PM
METRO: Place Des Arts
TICKETS: TuxedoBillet
Caterpillars Go Through A Lot
It's inconceivable to try to wrap your head around how many projects fell to the wayside due to that dumb virus. It would be impossible to calculate the man hours that were invested into things that never saw the light of day, how many dreams were delayed, or for that matter, how many dreams were foregone entirely.
Which makes it all the more exciting when shows come back. After 3 years off, Alegria Contemporary Ballet Company is putting on its 7th annual Spring Showcase, titled METAMORPHOSIS. True to the name, it looks to explore "our experience in an ever-evolving world, as we witness the catalysts, challenges, and conclusions of transformations in our lives".
WHAT: METAMORPHOSIS
WHERE: Théâtre Rouge 4750 Av. Henri-Julien #050, Montréal, H2T 2C8
WHEN: Saturday, April 1 @ 7 PM
METRO: Laurier
TICKETS: TuxedoBillet
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